Silent Witness (BBC1) Tim Marlow On... The Bowes Museum (five) - With the departure of Amanda Burton from Silent Witness, I'd hoped things would be more cheerful. Or as merry as these forensic pathologists can be, carving up corpses in a mortuary for a living.

How weary we'd all grown of her character Sam Ryan gazing wistfully into the distance and longing for a spot of levity among her replacements. Alas, it was not to be. If anything, the place was even more gloomy as new boss Dr Leo Dalton had his family - wife and daughter - wiped out in a car crash.

They weren't in a vehicle at the time but sitting in a caf having a cup of coffee when a car came speeding down the road and ploughed into the building.

"I'd like to see them please," said a distraught Leo arriving on the scene, making you wonder if he was intending to do the autopsy himself.

The laugh-free zone continued as colleague Nikki Alexander was called on to examine the body of a woman washed up on a river bank.

As you'd expect, if not believe, there was a link between the two cases which led to Leo behaving like Charles Bronson in Death Wish and setting out to gain revenge on those he held responsible for his family's death.

When it wasn't blinding us with forensic talk, the dialogue rarely strayed from the "How is he?" (Harry about Tom), "How are you?" (Nikki to Tom) and "Are you going to be all right?" (Tom to Harry).

The police themselves were several steps behind Leo's unofficial investigations. This wasn't surprising as he stomped all over the crime scene and his undercover activities got in the way of an official operation to catch an identity fraud gang.

I didn't believe a word of it. Not even the presence of the fetching Emilia Fox could retain my interest as the story was dragged out over two episodes, becoming increasingly preposterous in the process.

As a series, Silent Witness is as lifeless as a body on the slab.

There wasn't much movement either in Tim Marlow On... The Bowes Museum, mostly the talkative presenter standing in front of pictures and talking about them at length. I would say it was like watching paint dry, except it already was. The most movement came from a demonstration of the museum's famous mechanical swan.

When not prowling the galleries of a building conceived as a public gallery and built in the style of a French chateau, Marlow offered information about the Bowes Museum and its creators, John and Josephine Bowes.

There was no doubting his enthusiasm for the place. "I love the Bowes Museum because it's like nowhere else in Britain," he said. As an unpaid commercial for the museum in Barnard Castle, the programme was as valuable as one of the El Greco paintings hanging in the museum's collection.

When Harry Met Sally, Newcastle Theatre Royal

STAGE one for Gaby Roslin is to avoid becoming Aunt Sally in her quest to switch from fluffy presenting to serious acting. If you forgive the nasal whining US accents adopted by her and co-star Jonathan Wrather, as Harry, then this production settles into a highly watchable and often amusing stride. One scene dominates, of course, and Roslin has had a whole tour to perfect the famous fake orgasm which helped to put Meg Ryan on the movie map in 1989. One can only wonder what it really does for a budding blonde actress's boyfriends in future?

Four platforms, designed by Gemma Fripp, cleverly represent the comical 12-year journey of two over-analytical New Yorkers wrestling with the age-old problem of sex ensuring that a man and a woman can't just be friends. Marcy Kahan's adaptation of Nora Ephron's film script introduces the veteran couples discussing their first attraction as a video installation created by Sally's best friend Marie (Rebecca Gethings). The now desperate for love Sally observes "old people are lucky, they've already met".

Wrather does well to escape the wise-cracking shadow of Ryan's co-star Billy Crystal. Roslin exudes enough baffling blonde moments to show there's more to her than a veneer of speaking to camera skills. Sticking with contemporary scripts may be the answer in theatre, but a move to TV acting is much more simple. Doctor, detective, love interest or psychopath covers 99 per cent.

* Runs until Saturday. Box Office: 0870 905 5060

Viv Hardwick

Abba Mania: Darlington Civic Theatre

FRESH from a tour which included Europe and South America, Abba Mania has been selling out UK theatres since 1999.

It's a concert performed by lookalikes and featuring many of Benny and Bjorn's best-known tunes. The thing about Abba was that their music seemed at the time to be just pop, but looking back it becomes apparent that the melody and harmonies were not at all as simple as they seemed. It's the clich of consummate professionals making it all look easy.

Perhaps that's where Abba Mania fell down for me; the girls especially were trying too hard with their dance moves, lacking that aloofness which Agnetha and Frida had.

Did I say trying too hard? Not Nigel Hopkins as Benny, looking like Dudley Moore in a ruffled Elton John wig and managing to fight off terminal boredom, it seemed, by constantly and ostentatiously adjusting his sound levels. I guess it must be boring when you've played the same stuff trillions of times, but a bit more animation would have been nice.

Having said that, you can't really fall off when you're playing Abba music to Abba fans, and they were out in force in their glitter wigs, leaping to their feet and waving their arms about. Bathed in very bright lights directed at the audience, they knew all the words and didn't hesitate to join in, especially for the finale, Thank You For the Music. Abba fans know how to party.

Sue Heath

Until Saturday. Box office: 01325-486555

Published: 27/07/2005