A SENTENCE in the Daily Telegraph's interminable coverage of Prince William's 18th birthday leapt out and raised a question. "Despite his fondess for his Pop uniform, the Prince admits he is happiest in casual clothes."
Since it seemed to me that any "uniform" to do with Pop, the music, was likely to be casual, I read on for the answer. Of course I discovered that Pop is the Eton term for prefects. Losing no time in telling readers that he had been a member of Pop, a Daily Telegraph writer enlightened me, and perhaps one or two others, on this tradition-encrusted institution.
Here's the Pop election: "The President of Pop sits in a chair on a dais...Traditionally he reads out the names of boys the five members of the Pop Committee have decided are suitable for election. There is then a vote using a sort of wooden urn affair. For many boys waiting in their rooms this is a nervous moment. Some will have spent months, if not years, 'Pop-greasing' - making themselves agreeable to Poppers." Perfect practice, no doubt, for climbing the Establishment ladder, so thronged with old Etonians. But I digress.
"Once the votes have been counted, and all protests quelled by the President and his henchmen, the entire prefectorial body jogs through the school making an 'oi, oi, oi', noise. They generally welcome the new member by turning his room upside down.
"The new member is then entitled to wear Pop trousers, houndstooth spongebags, and have fancy waistcoats made up. If he happens to be the keeper, or captain, of a school team he can have a waistcoat in the team colours - eg blue and red stripes for the Keeper of the Mixed Wall." Yes, that's what it says. But let's resume.
"He is also allowed to put braid on his tailcoat, wear a stick-up collar and white tie, carry a furled umbrella and sport a carnation in his buttonhole. He also has the privilege of sitting on a low sagging wall on Eton High Street, known as Pop Wall." Woe betide any non-Popper who sits on there, I bet. Especially since, as our former Popper reveals: "Election to Pop gives the Etonian an opportunity to swagger around... He might stand for hours on Windsor Bridge in the hope of intercepting someone not wearing a tie."
All this is preparation, remember, for someone who is likely to be our King, far into the 21st Century. The Daily Telegraph further informs us that the Prince "can hardly share his father's fondness for tweaking his cufflinks, since, in the finest traditions of Eton chic, he prefers not to wear any." What? No cufflinks? What daring. What reckless kicking against the traces! But hold on a minute. What are cufflinks? The question might be on the lips of many of Prince William's age, if not mine.
I recall William's arrival at Eton, in a neat suit and leather shoes. There wasn't another 13-year-old in Britain dressed like that - certainly not in the comprehensive school down the road from me, which I happened to pass at going home time that day. But there would be plenty of kids well capable of being in Pop, and, more important, with the spirit not to wear cufflinks.
Now we learn that the Prince will be happy to be known as William. Of course we've been here before, with his uncle Edward, who briefly dallied with the Common Man fantasy, requesting to be known as Mr Windsor, and eager to make his own way in the world. When the latter proved a bit of a struggle - as it tends to - he retreated behind his trumped up title, Earl of Wessex, somewhere in Ruritania. I wonder why we put up with any of this. I really do.
Sports Report 1. At 8pm last Saturday I mowed my lawn. I seriously wondered whether I was right to do so, since the entire nation, apart from a handful of heathens like myself, was at prayer, or rather worship, watching the England v Germany game.
Sports Report 2. The condition of English cricket. Playing at Northallerton last Friday I didn't hear a single mention of the England-West Indies Test. And that was before yet another crushing England defeat would deflate public interest still further.
Sports Preview: If I were Des Lynam I wouldn't be too cock-a-hoop over ITV's capture of Match of the Day. Who's to say that Des, who hasn't drawn droves to ITV, will present it? My money's on Gary Lineker or an absolutely fresh face - emphasising a new start for the old favourite.
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