IT may be 'billion-pound Blair' this week but, oh dear, the cash hasn't filtered down to poor old Billy Hague yet.

I refer to a telephone call late on Thursday evening to The Northern Echo's Westminster office.

''Is that Brendan Carlin?" asked the operator. "I have a call from a Mr Graham Robb. Would you accept the charges?'' It turned out that Mr Robb, the Tory leader's inimitable North-East spokesman, was caught short (of loose change) in Darlington's Safeway supermarket when he was paged by The Northern Echo for an urgent comment.

And after another hard day at the public relations grindstone, Mr Robb's mobile phone battery was as flat as a pancake too.

Of course, we took the call. Anything to help, Graham. But, the bill's in the post! STILL on the public spending bonanza, The Northern Echo missed a trick this week.

Don't tell the editor, but I reckon we should have copied The Sun's famous ''Lenny Lottery'' correspondent and changed my by-line to Bertie Billion.

Gordon Brown's £43bn boost for public spending was mind-boggling enough but then came John Prescott with his £180bn for transport spread over the next ten years.

The Deputy Prime Minister was in classic mode for his bonanza announcement at Westminster - in other words, as miserable as sin.

Apparently, Mr Prescott has been known to smile but not when he's showering the nation with zillions of cash and saving us from perpetual gridlock.

His press conference after the announcement was just as enjoyable. It was hot and sticky with not a seat to be had and running about 30 minutes late.

Just like a commuter train into London.

WORLD exclusive: William Hague will win the next election - if he grows a moustache.

This gem of advice came this week from one Billy Wilson, former hairdresser and barber to the 1st Battalion of the Grenadier Guards.

''For some time now I have seen various pictures of you and pondered as to what hair would suit you best,'' said Mr Wilson, who saw no apparent irony when he wrote ''what hair''.

In a letter to the Richmond MP, the former military barber decided that a moustache would give Mr Hague ''age and authority''.

''I have now concluded that a Lord Kitchener moustache would bring out the real man in you that will most definitely win the General Election,'' said Mr Wilson, who hails from Staffordshire.

It would certainly put clear blue water between the Conservatives and Labour, whose spin doctors are convinced that the public believes politicians with facial hair are searching for something to hide behind. During the recent London mayoral election, Frank "Uncle Albert" Dobson was formally advised to shave off his Santa Claus beard. He refused - and lost.

So can we expect huge ''Your Country Needs Me'' posters of a hirsute Hague plastered all over the nation during the next General Election? Tony Blair must hope so.

LIKE all the best gossip, I can't confirm this alleged snippet, but I hear that Tory MP David Curry and the newly-installed Bishop of Ripon and Leeds were chatting recently.

The Right Reverend John Packer is alleged to have told Mr Curry that one of his biggest challenges in his new job was ''being expected to support Leeds United''.

I can't comment on the bishop's existing soccer loyalties, but as he's the former Bishop of Warrington, maybe he's got North-West affiliations.

As a Manchester United supporter myself, I do hope they're of the right persuasion.

STILL on Mr Curry, the very wet (in the political sense) Tory MP for Skipton and Ripon has been worrying the party thought-police at Westminster again.

He's been seen proudly carrying around a biography of Chinese leader Mao Tse Tung.

''I know he's a bit to the left of most of us, but this is getting ridiculous,'' quipped one Conservative whip.

FINALLY, fame at long last for Anne McIntosh. The demure MP for the Vale of York rang this week with the joyous news that she is ''centrefold'' in this month's edition of Pig World.

The magazine, which I am reliably informed is the pig-breeders' bible, has done an in-depth interview with Miss McIntosh to mark her campaigning work for hard-pressed pork producers.

The MP is over the moon. ''The headline on the piece is 'St Anne','' gushed the MP who is musing how to bring this to the wider notice of her electorate.

You might re-name yourself St Anne of Pigs but, however successful it is for your leader, I wouldn't advocate growing a moustache, Anne.