HER salad days may have been over, but the pensioner was clear in her request at the greengrocery stall: a web site, please.

Without hesitation, the assistant wrapped and handed over a lovely crunchy lettuce, money was exchanged and all were happy.

It seemed to be that sort of a shopping day: the customer was right. Spectator has fearlessly grumbled in the past where service fell short, so today we are happy to redress the balance.

The tale begins with a potential disaster. Spectator's nonagenarian relative, only temporarily house-bound, was celebrating a birthday. The choice for the feast was an Indian meal for two as prepared by St Michael, so Spectator sallied forth - only to be met with a display lacking the necessary dish.

Deliveries had not been quite as expected, but tomorrow - The Day - more were expected. Leaping from bed at the crack of 8.30, a phone call was made to M&S. The assistant was happy to check, the news was good, and yes two packages could be set aside.

They were, and when duly collected the next stop was Darlington library. Some rather specialised books were wanted and one had been tracked down at a library 80 miles away. For a £1 fee, which included the postcard stating the book was now available, the book was duly borrowed - now that's a seriously good service.

Being a customer could start being a pleasure again.

Oh Brother

SPECTATOR is now, sadly, into his sixth decade of watching Darlington football club (he started at a tender age). So telephone queries concerning the Quakers tend to be routed in his direction.

Often they are from fellow local papers. The freemasonry of sports reporters dictates a full response no matter how busy you are. Occasionally, they are from independent TV production companies looking for research on the cheap (there's no money in TV, is there?).

This week Spectator spoke to Briony (it's always Briony, or Tamara, or Olivia) from Bazal Productions - "We make Big Brother" was her opening gambit.

Spectator's mind reeled. Would Quakers' first team squad be locked in a camera-festooned dressing room, and, every Saturday, viewers could vote on which 11 to let out? Betters still, would all 24 Third Division chairman, including Mr George Reynolds, be locked up together, preferably for quite a long time.

Sadly, it was all more mundane. They are planning a documentary on not being Manchester United