OH BROTHER: You either love it or aren't bothered about it - but either way, everybody's talking it about. Channel Four's Big Brother is fantastic entertainment, but nobody's really sure why. Some of the more high-brow national newspapers have tried to intellectualise over it, saying it's an Orwellian nightmare and offer other unfathomable descriptions of why a group of ten nobodies could have the nation gripped by their daily goings on. The simple truth is this, it doesn't matter. It's got me hooked - all through the Mel and Andy love interest, Nasty Nick, and the strangely likeable, although incredibly annoying Caroline and Nicola. And now there's a new girl. Maybe the hook is that in our busy everyday lives we rarely have time to sit down and really interact with other people or read a book, let alone form bonds with chickens. We want to know what we would do if we did have that time on our hands. And Big Brother shows us how one group is coping. And besides that Tom's gorgeous. Give him the £70,000 now.

SEASONAL SHOW: The football season is up and running, causing many around the country to breathe a sigh of relief. There's something, other than Big Brother, for us to talk about again. There have been sending-offs, excitement, upsets and the usual thrills and spills that go with the nation's favourite game. But more importantly, the talent is back - we're not talking on the pitch, we're talking David Beckham, Michael Owen, Jamie Redknapp and all. With men like that on the pitch, who cares about the results? Okay, that's probably a little flippant, so good luck to all of the region's teams. Girls do care about the football, honestly.

NEW BOYS IN TOWN: Are the newly born sons of Catherine Zeta Jones and Madonna going to be buddies? Dylan and Rocco have certainly been born into guaranteed luxury - one thing they will have in common. But one thing they won't is that their parent's circumstances are the other way round. Madonna is the proven earner, and older partner of her and Guy Ritchie, and we don't have to point out who's the older and richer of Catherine and her fiance Michael Douglas. Hopefully both mothers, and fathers, will ensure their children are brought up to be as down-to-earth and "normal" as possible, as well as being well-dressed and lavished with every luxury and toy they could ever wish for. Madonna has so far managed to keep little Lourdes out of the spotlight, here's hoping neither set of parents falls for the lure of pages and pages in Hello or OK.

THE LINKS ARE WEAK: Anne Robinson, I'm happy to admit, has never been my favourite person, but her new "game show" leaves much to be desired. The Weakest Link is an interesting concept: ten people work together as a team to answer questions and raise prize money, but get to vote off the ones they think are a bit thick. Not a bad idea. But Anne is at her most irritating, telling the contestants how badly they are doing in her most patronising tones, and asking the players why they are voting the others off. When each leaves she says "Goodbye" in a voice laden with utter contempt, which might explain why she's on BBC 2 at 5pm on weekdays. Get rid of her BBC, we'd rather see Vanessa Feltz.

I WANT, I WANT: Anthea Turner and Greg Bovey, who look frighteningly alike, even down to their dodgy haircuts, have been going on about their wedding for what seems like forever. But those who wanted to go had to fork out for more than just a new hat and outfit. For the couple asked for expensive gifts such as the £100 for five wine bottle coasters, a Sophia Beaded Egg (whatever that may be, and what use it can serve?) and a silver and rosewood pepper mill, a snip at £90. All the gifts, if a generous fan would like to know, are available at Harrods or General Trading Company in London. But what we really want to know is, why on earth would Anthea want a magnifying glass as a wedding present? Ask no questions.