IN THE same week a report reveals we pay our cleaners and gardeners far more than we pay nannies and child minders, it appears many of us can't even be bothered to help our children with homework.

"Most parents work such long hours that they don't have the time or the energy to be teaching their children when they get home.''

This quote comes not from Waynetta Slob, but Margaret Morrissey, of the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations, attacking a new Government booklet campaign to help parents encourage their children to learn outside school.

The ever-so-busy and awfully tired Ms Morrissey goes on: "It would be better to spend this money on teachers.''

And Nick Seaton, chairman of the parents' pressure group, the Campaign for Real Education, agrees. "This is more nannying from the Government. Instead of asking parents to teach children, ministers should concentrate on ensuring schools do their jobs better.''

I'm sure Waynetta would be cheering. As she's forever telling Wayne: "What's our children's education got to do with us? The Government isn't paying us to teach them anything.''

But Margaret, Nick and Waynetta are wrong. Most parents, I'm sure, would agree.

Our children spend just a fifth of their time at school. For the rest of it, they're in our hands. We have a much bigger job to do than teachers. And we could probably do with a little help.

Most of us do want to help our children learn but, if we're honest, the way maths is taught in school nowadays, even at primary school level, can be pretty baffling. And not all of us are as up-to-date with new technology as we could be.

The Government booklets giving expert advice and guidance on how to help educate our children seem pretty sensible to me.

Margaret and Nick may have time to waste bleating on about the nanny state. The rest of us are much too busy helping with homework.

WHAT did the humourless Northumbrian couple who blasted the Changing Rooms designer after she transformed their guest bedroom for free expect? True, the room was cheap, nasty and tasteless, and totally out of keeping with their 17th Century country home, but it made good TV. Heather and John Cairns clearly have never watched the programme or they would have realised what was coming. Not to worry, given that everything's loosely glued, sticky-taped and stapled together, it'll all fall apart soon.

THE Government would have been on top of the fuel crisis much sooner if ministers occasionally poked their heads out of London. As I drove round North Yorkshire searching in vain for petrol on Monday morning, Radio 4 news said the only shortages were in the North West. Later, the main television news said the same thing. London was, of course, still largely unaffected. So, once again, our London-based Government and national media remained out of step with what was happening to the rest of the us.

ONE thing the petrol crisis taught me is that I do use my car too much. Having no petrol meant I had to walk two miles to get some bread and a paper from the nearest village shop. And I walked four miles (much of it uphill) to get to the mothers and toddlers group. It may have taken a long time, but it saved me going to the gym later in the week. What's more, I enjoyed it. It's just a shame it's taken such a crisis to make me see sense.

WHEN former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell was 15 minutes late for a photocall with Cherie Blair after running out of fuel near Bath, she presented her with a suede Gucci handbag by way of apology. Why couldn't she simply have said sorry, offered her a bunch of garage forecourt flowers or told her it was all her husband Tony's fault?