Madcap rock star Robbie Williams has demanded an ape and a pair of women's knickers be sent to his dressing room for a bizarre post-gig party.
Robbie's baffling list of must-haves also includes a silver-framed picture of quiz host Bob Holness and plastic figures in battle dress.
His rider has been circulated to all venues on his current British tour, though staff will find it difficult to oblige.
Robbie plays at Newcastle's Telewest Arena tonight and tomorrow night.
An Arena insider said: "Robbie has played here before and we are getting used to his sense of humour now.
"Last time he was here, he chilled out by shooting hoops and had a go at ice skating."
Robbie's list in full reads: one ape, a silver-framed picture of Bob Holness, a pair of pants suitable for Carol Vorderman, some Dill (not too much), Kumquats (lots), a bonsai tree, plastic figures in battle dress from the 30-year war, Tuppence (x2), three wise men bearing gifts and mossy windows to be fitted in every room.
The venue insider said: "We get people bringing their own furniture and settees and people have asked for unusual food and drinks, but this has to be the most bizarre list we have ever had from anyone.
"I'm not sure where we'll find an ape at short notice. Maybe Robbie is intending to bring it himself - I'm sure he knows what he is doing."
A spokeswoman for EMI confirmed Robbie's list, but added: "We'd rather not say any more about it."
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