Great Scott - the trial that's more of a tragedy

Officially it is the Scott Trial, technically a "one-day reliability trial for solo motor cycles" though their riders have to have a bit about them, an' all. Either way, its defendants are guilty but insane.

Nothing stops the Scott, they say, then pause for further reflection - "well, mebbe foot and mouth disease." Thus far they've escaped it.

Devised by Alfred Angus Scott - a motor bike man who also invented an early three-wheeler called the Scott Sociable and died in 1923 from something he'd picked up down a pot hole - it was first run in 1914 with a field of just 14.

Now the trial is staged by Richmond Motor Club over 80-odd miles around Swaledale, not so much off-road as irredeemably off the map.

Graham Jarvis from Harrogate, winner for the past four years, is expected to start again, despite a major knee injury that has kept him from racing for four months. "For God's sake don't tell my surgeon," he says.

Other entrants have come from Newsham and New Jersey, Dublin and Darlington, Barton, Barnoldswick and (one Amos Bilbao) from Barcelona.

There's not been a female entrant for 40 years, though a shy young lady from the top end of the dale may start in a couple of years.

There's Hell Holes and Hungry Hill, Cold Knuckles and Dicky Edge, Grand Canyon, Surrender and Rest and Be Thankful, though there is no chance of one and precious little of the other.

There are peat hags and swollen streams, dramatic descents and tortuous tracks and everywhere there are "observers" - spies - to check if a rider's feet so much as touch the ground in trying to survive them.

It's not a race it's a tragedy, someone once wrote, but the wake at the end is reckoned colossal. "I tell new riders to go through the pain barrier and think of the presentation," says Trial official Ken Raw.

"It's not about winning; just to finish the Scott is the most marvellous feeling in the world."

They've gathered at the Angel in Gilling West, near Richmond, the pool table commandeered to make some of the 5,000 flags needed to mark the course. Observers are issued with waterproof paper. At the Scott Trial, it never rains but it pours.

Ken Raw, 50 years in Scott's wheel tracks, recalls how his dream of glory evaporated as early as 1964 - his second event. "I thought I was travelling really fast until a works rider passed me, adjusting his tie."

Barry Watson, another official, reckons the riders quickly get warm, it's spectators and observers who suffer. Observers get a free programme for their day-long vigilance; spectators pay £3 for one, and will stream up Swaledale in their hundreds.

Riders fork out £16 for the privilege of redefining endurance, go over the top at 20-second intervals - only lemmings do it more quickly - and are expected to be back within two and a half hours of the winner, or at least before nightfall. The fell rescue teams await.

Most swear they train on lager, and on dry roasted nuts for extra energy, many carry a packet of fags and a fiver, in case man or machine breaks down, fortuitously, near a pub.

A piece in this year's programme recalls that Dick Horner and his Lampkin were washed down Orgate Falls.

"On recovering his drowned bike, Dick duly sat on the saddle, pulled out his packet of Regal, popped a sodden fag into his mouth and tried to light it. Unfortunately it wouldn't, so he was forced to retire."

There's a vast array of trophies, "golden" spoons for the first six and "silver" spoons for the next 20. An auction at the presentation night has over the past ten years raised £25,000 for local charities.

As for the eternal "Why", a question which even the renowned Dr Clare might take lying down, the best answer yet is offered by Graham Sanderson in the programme: "Like the Harley riders say, if I had to explain, you wouldn't understand."

The trial begins at Feldom Lane Ends, on the top road from Richmond to Reeth, from 9am tomorrow. Programmes (£3) and details of other Scott Trial memorabilia from Ken Raw, 48 High Street, Gilling West, Richmond, N Yorks DL10 5JJ (01748 825014).

Our old friend Alan Kennedy, it's reported, has signed for Fleetwood Freeport (they of Highbury Stadium.) "Well, I have and I haven't," says Alan, helpfully.

Now 46, originally from Newbottle, he won two England caps in a career that included Newcastle, Liverpool, Sunderland and even Hartlepool.

These days he lives in the north-west, has regular radio work and (after overcoming his nerves) is on the speaking circuit - which is how he came to be at Fleetwood.

"You know how it is, one thing led to another and at the end of the night I ended up signing a form for them and it got in the local papers. I keep myself right, but that's two months ago. For some reason the manager has never been in touch since."

Back where it all began, Bryan Conlon's funeral was held in Shildon on Tuesday. He'd played football all over England, locally with Darlington and Hartlepool United, but kicked off with the formidable Shildon Works Juniors.

The Juniors not only beat Clara Vale 7-0 in the 1960-61 Durham Junior Cup final at Redheugh Park, Gateshead - Bryan scored twice in the first five minutes - but won every other match, too.

None except Trevor Hutchinson actually clocked on at the wagon works. Bryan laboured for the council, Arnie Alton - also at the funeral - was still at school and because he lived at Etherley, just outside a four-mile radius from the ground, had to wait until November to qualify.

Arnie, too, became a familiar local footballer, his defensive partnership with Tony Cassidy at Durham City earning them the sixties' soubriquet of the Mick McManus and Jackie Pallo of the Northern League.

"I think we were quite proud of that," he said.

Bryan played simultaneously for Sheffield Wednesday Juniors, was invited to Everton when Harry Catterick went trans-Pennine but moved to Newcastle instead. "Everyone advised him against it," said Arnie. "Newcastle never gave local players a chance."

Paul Mulley had also brought copies of the Football League Review (5p) either side of the summer of 1972 - Bryan lining up with North-East lads Billy Wilson, Barry Endean and Terry Garbett for Blackburn Rovers and with the long-haired likes of Warnock, Potter and John Honour for Hartlepool.

Twenty Park Drive cigarettes cost 20p, a Vauxhall Viva £897, Rothman's Football Year Book £1.20, Subbuteo Football Express £4.20 and Watney's Red Barrel too much whatever it was.

Raymond Cuthbertson, Shildon's vicar, described Bryan as a "great character", supposed that he might be planning a hand of dominoes in the heavenly kingdom with his pal Bernie (which may have somewhat disconcerted Bernie.)

They carried him from the church not to the strains of Abide With Me but to Neil Diamond singing Sweet Caroline. It was one of his last requests: Bryan had done it his way, as ever.

The Football League Review for October 1972 also carried a report of the Great Fire of Hartlepool, when the "main stand and dressing room" - together insured for a princely £500 - were burned to the ground.

Pool lost almost everything except the boots a fireman saved. Clubs countrywide offered help, including a new strip from League newcomers Hereford.

Some kids raised £8 at a jumble sale, following the £19 they'd collected in the summer to help buy Willie Waddell from Barnsley; a group of girls chipped in another £8 and sent flowers to manager Len Ashurst's wife.

Teams changed at the swimming baths, then at a local school. Within two years the stand would have had to have been knocked down anyway, said Ashurst, to make way for road widening.

Within two years, in truth, it would probably have blown away in the breeze.

Handbags at ten paces and all that, a Durham FA appeals commission has been pondering a distinctly unladylike incident following a women's match. Only one team, Chester-le-Street Ladies, was involved.

The three-man commission - there are no women on the Durham FA Council - heard a complaint from Mrs Denise Simpson "in relation to an assault on her daughter Stacey."

Sundry misters and missuses, and even a couple described as Ms, were called to give evidence.

DFA has decided, however, that "both Stacey Simpson and Mary Murray were responsible" for the misconduct, that they can do nothing more and that "should either party deem that further action is required, they should go through civil means."

DFA secretary John Topping confirms that the incident took place in the clubhouse. "Beyond that it would be unwise to comment."

Tuesday's column on pre-war goal scoring machine Archie Brown noted that as well as a Durham Senior Cup medal with Darlington in 1929-30 he'd gained another in 1936 with (we'd assumed) Tudhoe OC.

Since he was pushing 40 at the time, it could hardly have been Officer Cadets. Old Comrades, perhaps? Neither, it transpires, is true. Tudhoe OC was the Orphanage Cup, named after the large Catholic establishment at the bottom of the village near Spennymoor and fiercely contested. Archie was probably playing with his native Witton Park.

THE overseas pro in last summer's county cricket championship who'd played most one day internationals (Backtrack, October 17) was Anil Kumble of Leicestershire - 191.

Bill Moore: which team was the first to win three FA Cup finals at Wembley?

An answer when the column returns after the half-term break.