If only parents were better behaved

And really, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather you didn't change nappies on the next table while I'm eating my lunch. Thanks.

According to the National Family and Parenting Institute, we are not very welcoming to children in this country. We do not have enough family friendly policies from the Government, and in everyday life, parents with small children often feel unwelcome.

Well frankly, I'm not surprised. A lot of children are frankly unwelcome-able. Maybe it's time parents asked themselves why.

Look, my sons aren't too old for me to have forgotten what it was like - trying to get baby, buggy and toddler round town, changing a nappy on a train, keeping children quiet in a crowded restaurant where service was teeth grindingly slow, or keeping them entertained in hospital waiting rooms. It's not easy. Parents need all the help they can get.

But they have to do their bit too.

And frankly, the woman letting her child use the potty in front of the supermarket delicatessen counter wasn't. "Look Mummy, I've been! Look!" - apart from putting the rest of us off our continental sausages for a very long time, it's probably done that child no good either. In years to come he's going to have nightmares that he's sitting on the lav in the middle of the supermarket - AND HE'LL BE RIGHT.

But it's not the children, really, it's the parents. If your child is playing up in a public place and you're doing your best to control him, most reasonable people around you will be sympathetic. And those who aren't, you can just ignore.

Other mums will try and help. Grannies will scrabble round their handbags for a consoling sweet. Most of us have been there and can still remember it horribly clearly.

I was a real masochist - when my children were toddlers I used to take them out with me on interviews. Threats, bribery and a pack of fruit gums normally kept them quiet for an hour or two. But not always - believe me, there's nothing you can tell me about embarrassing behaviour.

But what really gets up people's noses is when kids are being right pains in the neck and the parents do absolutely nothing about it. That's when quite nice people begin to think that maybe Herod was seriously misunderstood.

If you want your children to be loved and accepted, then you have to ensure - as much as you can - that they are loveable and that their behaviour is acceptable.

I still treasure a sign seen occasionally in pubs and shops. "Any badly behaved children will be sold into slavery."

Sounds fair to me. Enjoy the rest of half term.

JAMES Mawdsley, just released from prison in Burma, spent a year in solitary confinement in squalid conditions and with regular beatings.

He'd known when he'd gone back to Burma that it was likely to happen - he'd already been deported twice. But he was determined to continue the fight for democracy. Backed by his family - worried sick, but still supportive - he was steadfast, determined, but never wavered from his cause. And even by being jailed, he's succeeded.

His fight has put Burma and its corrupt regime in the world spotlight. It hasn't achieved instant miracles, but it could be the start of a slow movement that could finally bring democracy to the country.

He has had the courage - against terrible odds - to stand up for his principles. It's a rare enough characteristic these days. He deserves our deepest admiration.

But I hope he doesn't go back to Burma again - if only for his mum's sake.

SO now they're thinking of fast tracks for super shoppers. Supermarkets are said to be considering preferential treatment for customers who spend more. Big shoppers will get special speedy checkouts, extra discounts and free delivery.

Apparently, 20 per cent of supermarket customers account for 80 per cent of profits, so you can see that the stores have to be nice to them. But what about the rest of us?

People with money already travel first class in trains and planes - while the rest of us are being killed off by economy seating. There is talk of pay as you go fast lanes on motorways for those with more money than time. Theme Parks are introducing gold cards which let visitors jump the queue for the big attractions. And of course people who can pay are saved the misery of a NHS waiting list.

What next? Supermarket checkouts were some of the last bastions of egalitarianism. There was always something satisfying about watching someone with a hundred quids' worth of wine, spirits and smoked salmon having to wait their turn behind a young mum with a trolley of economy fish fingers and special offer potatoes.

The so-called classless society gets more divisive every day. It'll be two tier pavements next, with the inside lane no doubt reserved for those with money and gold cards, while the rest of us take our chance with the traffic and the puddles.

Ah well. See you in the gutter.

THE City of Birmingham - which once considered renaming Christmas as Winterval - is now apparently thinking of banning Easter. Why? Like Whitsun before it, it's already on its way out. If you don't believe me, ask a random selection of people under 20 when Good Friday is and what happened on it. Maybe Birmingham is not so daft after all.

THE thing about radio, of course, is that the pictures are better. Even the most gargoyle-faced can sound young and lovely. But now Radio 4's Today programme has gone on line and you can watch it as it goes out. Well, those who have nothing better to do in the early morning can.

The Today presenters are all very presentable, of course. But if webcams are going to be widespread, what will happen to those people with the perfect face for radio?

FORGET juvenile delinquents - the latest craze in America is for oldies to go on the rampage, just like Paul Newman in Where the Money Is.

There has been a soaring rate of crime in the over 70s, such as the 80-year-old on a Zimmer frame, jailed for 13 years after robbing bank.

I know we should be shocked and horrified, really, but after all that brainwashing to make us look at the elderly as frail victims, it's actually quite cheering.