Playing a regular character in a TV soap can be murder. Just ask Karen Drury who leaves Brookside this week - in a coffin. Not for her a departure by taxi (a favourite way for EastEnders to go) or death by fatal soap illness or Blackpool tram.
The actress becomes soapland's latest murder victim. "I've known I was leaving for a year and being murdered is a wonderful way to go," says Drury, whose man-eating character has munched her way through most of the male population of Brookside Close.
The producers, keen to mark the Scouse soap's 18th birthday this month, are running a week of special episodes made up of flashbacks to the night Susannah died.
There's no shortage of suspects. They're led by her lover Dr Darren, whose house calls on Susannah have led to intimate examinations of the patient, and her fiance Mick, who's less than pleased to hear about her infidelities. Another of the men in Susannah's life, jealous ex-hubby Max, is in the frame too.
Female suspects are Jacqui Dixon, the surrogate mother who rented her womb with a view to giving Susannah and Max another child, and tearaway Emily Shadwick who's never forgiven Susannah for her father Greg's death. The pair were having sex in the shower when the Millennium Club blew up. Greg was killed, Susannah survived.
Whodunit? Makers Mersey Television aren't saying but it's a good way to go and one reserved for an exclusive club of soap performers. Susannah should have been more careful as Brookie fans know that the Close is the murder capital of the soap world. It was here that Sue and baby Danny were pushed off the scaffolding round the shops.
The very same Mike who's set to marry Susannah smothered his fatally ill mother-in-law.
Damon Grant wasn't even safe when he left Liverpool. He was stabbed to death in York in the spin-off Damon And Debbie. The most famous Close encounter with murder was the killing of wife-beater and child-molester Trevor Jordache. He was stabbed by his wife Mandy who, with daughter Beth, buried the body beneath the patio. The corpse stayed hidden for months only to be disturbed when window cleaner Sinbad dug it up to remove an identifying ring on the corpse's finger. The long arm of the law eventually caught up with Mandy and Beth.
Coronation Street, celebrating its 40th anniversary this month, has got Jim McDonald behind bars for the manslaughter of villainous Jez whom he beat to a pulp after he half-killed his son Steve.
Jez died in hospital while trying to smother bedridden Steve and his performing eyebrows with a pillow. Jez had just been acquitted - do try and keep up - of killing Natalie's drug-dealing son Tony.
Jim's forthcoming court appearance won't be helped by the return to the Street of ex-wife Liz, a woman who wears curtain pelmets under the mistaken impression they're skirts.
In the old days crime was a rarity in Weatherfield so it was all the more shocking when Ernie Bishop was blasted to death by shotgun robbers in a wages snatch. Gail's husband Brian Tilsey was another victim, stabbed outside a nightclub which was probably a relief after her constant nagging.
The East End has a reputation to maintain so events in Walford in EastEnders try to keep up the bad work. Cindy hired a hit man to kill husband Ian Beale. If she'd just asked everyone in the Square would have contributed to a whip round to rid the place of the awful man. Ian's father Pete Beale annoyed people too. He ran off with the local mobster's wife and died in a car "accident".
EastEnders actually opened with a murder. Or at least a dead body, that of old Reg Cox. Nick Cotton was responsible and has attempted to hang on to his bad boy image through his subsequent behaviour. He tried to poison his own mother, although she's doing a good job herself with her chain-smoking
Nick also stabbed Eddie Royle to death in the Square. He was the second Queen Vic landlord to meet a sticky end after the previous man behind the bar, Dirty Den, was gunned down and found floating face down in the Walford canal.
The biggest murder in EastEnders happened on Valentine's Day last year when Steve Owen bashed his stalking ex-girlfriend Saskia over the head with an ashtray in the E20 club. It was self-defence (sort of) and he roped in young Matthew Rose to help him bury the body in the woods. Not the act, you may think m'lud, of an innocent man.
Steve showed his ingenuity at the trial by pinning the blame on Matthew and escaping a prison sentence while pretty boy Matt was banged up behind bars.
Soap laws dictate that murderers should not be caught for some time to allow producers to exploit them for high ratings. In Emmerdale mad Graham was allowed to push Rachel over a cliff (and not before time, did I hear someone say?) and escape the blame so we could all wonder when he would try to do the same thing to Kathy.
The Brookside case appears to be a more open and shut one. By the end of next week we'll know who killed Susannah - and then be killing time to find out the soap world's next victim.
l The Brookside whodunit episodes begin on Monday.
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