BACK home in Ireland, we are used to this sort of thing - moving statues, paintings of the Virgin Mary which cry real tears, rosary beads which have turned gold overnight and reports of mysterious apparitions.

But the eerie bearded face which has appeared on DIY decorator Colin Cram's wall in Hebburn appears to have taken him totally by surprise. "I thought the paint fumes had gone to my head," he said.

It is not surprising that he called in his local priest, for the bearded man does bear a startling resemblance to the images of Christ we see in religious paintings and statues. But, without wishing to spoil it for anyone, I must point out he also looks uncannily like Jimmy Hill. He could even be David Bellamy, or my old geography teacher.

Still, those who have queued up at Mr Cram's house to see the image say it has helped them feel at peace. Now he is worried the numbers will grow: "I just hope thousands don't come hoping to see a miracle." In Ireland, we take this sort of thing in our stride. Once word gets round, crowds flock to the spot. Usually, a van selling tea, coffee and sandwiches is the first to arrive.

Next, a makeshift coach park sign goes up in the nearest field. A shrine is erected. Then it becomes part of the tourist trail. But I don't think Mr Cram or South Tyneside is quite ready for this. He could always put the word around that the face on his wall does appear to look more like Jimmy Hill. I don't think many people would queue up to see it then.

IT WAS distressing to watch the frail, elderly woman on the TV news as she was carried out of her flooded home in York this week.

She was crying. She looked frightened and vulnerable. Nearly everything she owned had been destroyed and now she was on her way to spend the night in a church hall. "At least I won't be on my own now," she said, putting on a brave face for the camera. The main headlines were about the Queen Mother's indomitable spirit after suffering a broken collar bone in a fall. Reports described her as "chirpy" and "a wonderful example to us all".

There were pages and pages in the Press about her tumble and how she was coping, resting at Clarence House, next day. There is little doubt that the Queen Mother is remarkable for her age. But, amid all the stories of human misery we have witnessed this week, of ordinary people up and down the country struggling to cope with the devastation of the floods, wasn't this fawning adulation of a royal who suffered a minor fall just a bit over-the-top?

THREE celebrities who have recently lost lots of weight are trying to sell us fitness videos so that we, too, can get into shape. But has it occurred to Carol Vorderman, Anne Diamond and Vanessa Feltz that they have more in common than losing weight - they've all also lost their husbands. Is this the real key to their new slim-line figures?

FATBOY Slim, who narrowly escaped death when his car skidded on the motorway this week, said afterwards: "For the rest of the day I had this lease of life, like isn't it good to be alive."

Nigel Havers' wife Polly, talking about her battle with cancer, says: "There are things I would have put off, had I not been ill, that I won't put off now."

My sister, who recently underwent tests for breast cancer, and was thankfully given the all-clear, said much the same thing: "I wondered why I bothered worrying about little things before. It made me think about what's important."

Too often, it takes a brush with death to remind us all just how precious life is.