JOHN Prescott has the sort of lived-in, jowly face that casts serious doubts on any plans God may have to use him as a sunbeam.

But even he looked more miserable than usual on Thursday as he took the wraps off his grand proposals for an "urban renaissance" across our realm.

I think I know why. John kept glancing up at the empty benches that were Her Majesty's Press Gallery as he promised millions here and millions there to turn Middlesbrough into Milan, or something like that.

Then someone whispered something informative in his ear. Alastair Campbell, the Prime Minister's official spokesman, was at that very moment addressing a packed lunch of parliamentary hacks in our very own press restaurant. Did John not like that!

Mr Prescott's official title is Deputy Prime Minister. Mr Campbell's unofficial title is The Real Deputy Prime Minister.

GRUMPY he may look, but Mr Prescott has his light-hearted moments - not least at the press conference to launch the urban white paper.

Lord Rogers, the architect and inspirer of the urban renewal plans, was perched next to the Deputy PM and formally asked for a new centre of architectural excellence as on London's South Bank.

"D'you want the Dome?" quipped our John to the famous architect whose achievements include...designing the great Millennium structure.

QUESTION: What have Anne McIntosh and David Curry got in common?

Answers: One, undying allegiance to the Tory cause and two, they've both been insulted by blunt-speaking Labour MPs in the last two weeks.

Anne, that fearless champion of the Vale of York, was famously called a twit by Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott last week.

This week, it was Mr Curry's turn. The Skipton and Ripon MP harrumphed that Hon Members had no advance warning over this week's urban white paper statement but un-elected officials had it in their diaries for weeks.

This was all too much for Dennis Skinner.

The Labour MP, who probably lists "left-wing firebrand" as his profession, instantly recalled that the previous Tory governments never gave early warnings.

"The answer to people like those toffee-nosed Tories is that they should come to work every day. If they would just come to work, they would find out," bellowed Dennis.

And with that, Mr Curry's face flushed into a distinctly untoffee-like colour.

TO help the Skipton and Ripon MP out, I should declare that humble hacks had known about Thursday's urban extravaganza since Monday morning when the Unofficial Deputy Prime Minister told us.

And if you want to put it in your diary, David, the rural white paper is expected to be the week after next.

Next week, John Prescott's in The Hague at the great UN climate change get-together so he can't do much in the Commons.

Reliable information, this, Mr Curry. Sorry I'm not elected