QUESTIONS, questions, questions. They get harder to answer as they get older, and the question about Father Christmas was one of the toughest.

"Dad will you tell me the truth?" our eldest asked with a sudden surge of seriousness as we drove home from tae kwondo training. "Does Father Christmas really exist?" His faith in Santa had started wavering last Christmas but he didn't dare not believe in case he didn't get any presents.

A year on and his doubts had taken stronger root. I meant to tell him the truth - honest - but I found myself choking on the words and ended up mumbling something about Father Christmas existing if you really wanted him to.

I suppose it was all to do with not wanting him to grow up, wanting to hold on to the magic, but I hadn't done what he'd asked - I hadn't told him the truth. He's ten now and I knew deep down that the time had come to break it to him gently before someone at school shattered the innocence more brutally.

I sat on his bed that night, took a deep breath and revealed that it was me and Mum who brought the presents. "Thought so," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "So who comes into our rooms on Christmas Eve dressed in a Santa costume?" he asked.

The confession continued: "For the first few years, it was me. Then my friend Nigel took over in case you guessed it was me." "It's OK, Dad. Don't worry - I won't tell the little ones," he promised and we had a hug that made me feel only slightly better.

It was the village Christmas Fair the next day and perhaps it was our man-to-man talk the night before that made him want to go off and do his own shopping.

"How much have you got?" I shouted after him as he headed for the various stalls. "Three quid," he shouted back.

He was back in what seemed no more than five minutes.

"Right. I'm done," he declared, proudly swinging his plastic carrier bag. "Dad, here, look what I've got for everyone," he whispered, ushering me into a corner.

He proceeded to produce a 10p Thomas The Tank Engine nailbrush for Max and a 25p 'tank construction kit' for Jack. He could barely contain his excitement when he took out a lime green thing: "It's an inflatable picture frame for Mum - think she'll like it?" "She'll be ecstatic," I replied. Not since the banana-shaped slippers of 1996 will she have been quite so fulfilled, I thought to myself.

He went on to show me a purple, heart-shaped inflatable picture frame he'd bought for his little sister - fifty pence the pair. I couldn't help wondering what kind of person would buy a job lot of inflatable picture frames in the first place, then take them along to a Christmas fair.

"I've got you something brilliant too but I can't tell you what it is," he whispered. Another inflatable picture frame perhaps?

A couple of days later, the boy, with another surge of seriousness, turned to me again and said: "Dad, can I ask you about something a boy in my class was talking about the other day?" "Course you can son," I replied. "What's an orgasm, Dad?" Quite how I managed to avoid that crash is anyone's guess.

THE THINGS THEY SAY

Our littlest one has also been learning about the true meaning of Christmas at nursery.

"It's when Mary bought the baby cheeses," he explained.

THE THINGS THEY DO

Darlington mum Hilary Dunne has kindly sent in the following: Tom, six, who has decided he's "only writing to Santa on the off-chance he still exists" spent the weekend practising getting up at 4am on Christmas Day. He feels this gives him more time to play with his presents and therefore he "won't have to rush at everything"!

THE THING DADS ALL OVER THE WORLD SAY AT THIS TIME OF YEAR

"Can she bring it back if she doesn't like it?"...or alternatively..."Can she bring it back if it doesn't fit?"

RABBIT UPDATE

Thanks to those who have inquired about Aladdin following Jasmine's death from myxomatosis. So far he seems fine - apart from the broken heart.

DAD AT LARGE BOOK 2

Having sold thousands of copies, the first Dad At Large book is almost sold out. But the good news is that "Dad At Large 2: To The Vasectomy And Beyond" will be published next Spring. The book will be published in association with The Butterwick Children's Hospice at Stockton, with cash from every sale going to children who desperately need help. Watch this space for further details of an exciting book launch dinner at the Hallgarth Country House Hotel, Darlington, on May 30.

Visit the Dad At Large website and send in your own 'The Things They Say' on thisisthenortheas