MICHAEL Jackson is in Britain this week, lecturing us all on how to bring up our children. This, from a twice-divorced man who employs more than a dozen nurses and nannies to care for his two children, Prince and Paris, and who, seven years ago, faced allegations of child sex abuse, which were only withdrawn after he paid his accusers £18.5m.

It is hard to imagine anyone worse qualified to give us all lessons in childcare

This peculiar eccentric's idea of good fatherhood appears as distorted as his face. "I would like my own children, when they grow up, to remember I always wanted them with me," he says.

Perhaps when they grow up, his children can explain to him there is a huge difference between a parent wanting his children with him and actually being with them.

WHILE I am sympathetic to our farmers' plight, I cannot accept the romantic sentiments of rural campaigners such as Richmond sheep farmer Susan Robson who said this week: "If the thousands of sheep and cattle you see being destroyed on TV were dogs and cats, there would be a national outcry." If it were not for foot-and-mouth, most of these farm animals would be heading for the slaughterhouse anyway, and watching them being killed there would be just as upsetting. Livestock are bred, reared and killed for profit. Today's animal pyres may be an expensive, sorry waste, but likening this to the mass killing of much-loved family pets over-sentimentalises the debate and detracts from more important issues.

BOB Geldof is apparently consumed by guilt and depression following the death of his ex-wife Paula Yates. Paula was dealt many difficult blows but, instead of picking herself up, she made the mistake of wallowing in self-pity, to the exclusion of everything and, at times, everyone, else. The last thing her daughters need now is for their father to start feeling sorry for himself too. He must ensure his girls enjoy a secure and happy childhood with him, or he may suffer more regret in years to come.

TRAVEL agents Lunn Poly's insistence that I sign a strongly-worded Insurance Indemnity Form - confessing that I have refused to pay for their costly insurance - before they hand over ferry tickets to Northern Ireland, doesn't scare me. But it left me feeling they considered it irresponsible not to pay up. Travel agents have been criticised this week for charging up to four times more for travel insurance than independent firms. But the Which? report did not touch on the intense pressure put on customers. Three years ago, a change in law said agents could not force customers to buy insurance. Yet Lunn Poly's indemnity form states: "Purchase of Lunn Poly's cover is compulsory for all bookings requiring the completion of a Lunn Poly booking form.'' I didn't sign the form as I was covered through my credit card, but received it back in the post, asking, again, for my signature and alternative insurance policy number. Frankly, I don't consider this to be any of Lunn Poly's business. Would Lunn Poly insist on travel insurance for a rail ticket from Darlington to Newcastle? I suppose so, if the price was right.