Sledgers set for slide

These days it's like God bless you, sledging and then downhill all the way.

Two weeks ago the Durham County League imposed lengthy bans on three Shildon players - players, not gentlemen - for foul and abusive.

It was to see Peter Metcalfe, league chairman and Ushaw Moor mainstay, that principally we had forayed into the delightful Deerness valley, though again a pleasure to bump into 72-year-old prolific poet and former Hartlepool United man Jackie O'Connor - known affectionately thereabouts as the Black Rat.

Whenever two or three are gathered on a cricket field, however, the conversation will also lurch uncontrollably towards Bulldog Billy Teesdale.

The game, of course, has always had its characters. Even Roy Coates, the County League's highly regarded secretary, had his moments - "A bit of a poacher turned gamekeeper," concedes the chairman. "Best just say that Roy was very competitive." Bulldog Billy, pride of Evenwood, was competitive, too - first choice in a 1970s Psycho XI alongside the ebullient likes of Geordie Coxon (Ushaw Moor) and our old friend Roy Simpson from Peterlee, who these days does nothing more aggressive than organise the World Egg Jarping Championships every Easter.

Mind, there's some fearsome dunching goes on.

It was therefore something of a surprise to discover that Bulldog Billy is not just an umpire but a member of the League disciplinary committee - a case not so much of poacher turned gamekeeper as village bike become vestal virgin.

The difference, they agreed at Ushaw Moor, was that while P W Teesdale might threaten to relocate his bat in sundry parts of Geordie Coxon's anatomy - a sentiment vigorously reciprocated - they were the best of friends straight afterwards.

Tuesday night's game, it should be said, was both impeccably ordered and enormously enjoyable - "they never argue with old pollisses," said Ray Clish, one of the umpires - though the rumble of thunder chased the old lads homewards from critics' corner.

Peter Metcalfe, also a member of the County Cricket Club board, remained cross legged on the grass, like some yogic high flier. "We play here so long as you can see New Brancepeth," he said.

Just when everyone was reprising Ramsden rules on tied matches, Whitburn won off the penultimate ball. The teams applauded one another from the field; there are times when it's still the finest game in the world.

And times when it's not. "We are determined to stamp it out, to get our message across," says Peter Metcalfe.

Just when cricket followers thought they might have heard it all - and often wished that they hadn't - the County League, we can reveal, is considering becoming the first in Britain to issue umpires with red and yellow cards.

"This stance isn't just one person's crusade, it's approved by a committee with representatives from all 14 clubs," says the chairman. "Then when something happens, they cry witch hunt."

Disciplinary meetings, he says, leave him drained. "People joke on about me in my black cap, but I absolutely hate it. It's just that someone has to make a stand, and in this league we've had enough."

Shildon's offences occurred over successive matches, four and six match bans imposed with longer sentences suspended. What some said about that may not comfortably be repeated, either.

"A lot of it involves players who've come in from other leagues and brought their bad manners with them - as if we hadn't enough of our own" says Peter.

"They see it on television, too - spitting, snarling, sledging - and you don't have to be a great lip reader to work out what's being said."

The aggrieved complain that it goes unpunished all the time, the chairman admits inconsistencies. "You could even say that Shildon were unlucky, because it depends on who's umpiring.

"You have some old lads who don't want the hassle of reporting players and disciplinary hearings and who maybe think they won't get cup matches off the clubs concerned, but if they report it, the league will take action.

"Clubs are responsible for the behaviour of both players and spectators, even when the bar's open all day, and we may need to remind them of it."

Already, he says, they have lost umpires who are tired of the constant abuse. "We've an awful job to get them in the first place and they're certainly not overpaid. Who's going to put up with all the slaver and the things that are now said right up to their faces, questioning their parentage and all sorts.

"The sledging that goes on is terrible, the chuntering, chuntering about the batsman between wicket keeper and slips. Really the batsman should just stand up and walk away, but it gets much worse the rest of the umpires will walk away, too, and then there just won't be any cricket at all."

Like the proverbial London bus, cricket matches clearly come in pairs. The following evening to Richmond - where they reckon already to have enjoyed as many days cricket as in the whole of the last sodden summer - for the Randall Orchard Cup tie between Northallerton and, of all teams, Shildon Railway.

Shildon could muster just nine players, alas, including a guest appearance by former Durham County man Darren Blenkiron who hit an undefeated 118 for Sunderland on Saturday but could only manage six against Northallerton.

Times are a bit hard at the old BR just now. Last Saturday, not least because three of the finest were learning hard lessons, they couldn't raise 22 players from the 36 on the books. Though it's enough to make a saint swear, their behaviour, it should be said, was impeccable.

In the women's game, of course, things are much more - well - ladylike. "I don't agree with swearing at all," says Pauline Peel, Durham County's women's cricket development officer.

"We're drawing up a code of conduct in which swearing other than under your breath will be absolutely forbidden."

Manners, she insists, should not be confused with meekness. "We give as good as we get. If people dish it out then we can give it back.

"It's no good playing teams like Yorkshire and being soft."

Pauline, such is the world's circumscription, is herself from Ushaw Moor. Her father, the late Jimmy Wood, played for them for years though his daughter was much more into tennis.

Now she lives in Sacriston, has a husband and son who play cricket for Shotley Bridge, a daughter for Durham City and she herself plays for Shotley Bridge ladies and the emerging county team.

"Between April and September there's not a lot else goes on in our house," says Pauline.

The team lost narrowly, encouragingly, to Derbyshire on Sunday. Next month they play in a tournament in Cambridge with the possibility of the county championship third division next season.

This Sunday (2 15pm) Durham County women play the men of King James I CC, Bishop Auckland, at that other riverside ground - the flood plain near the Dam Head in Bishop. "A development game," says Pauline, "but I hope a few people might come and be impressed."

Now on the reflective side of 80, our old friend Jack Watson has been frisked for the first time at a football match.

It happened at Dundee's Inter-Toto Cup match with Sartin, crowd 6,511. The polliss said they were looking for alcohol, Jack - Shildon lad, Sheffield Wednesday's Scottish scout - said he'd never touched a drop in his long life.

"They all say that," said the Dundonian polliss.

"Well they might," replied Jack, "but in my case it's true."

Durham's three-day defeat at Hampshire's new Rose Bowl ground offered an unexpectedly free Saturday to the county's travelling supporters.

The faithful few included Gordon Nicholson - legendary former Northern League secretary and trencherman - his wife Margaret and their friend Kath Sewell, from Crook.

Thus it was that they decided to visit Hambledon, supposed birthplace of cricket, and home of the Bat and Ball Ground. Unfortunately, however, Old Nic's dreams of a handsome cricket tea vanished in a majority decision - outvoted 2-1 - to go sight seeing.

They were back at the Rose Bowl for the Sunday match. "Gordon," says our Hants man, "didn't look very pleased at all."

Back briefly to Ushaw Moor clubhouse, where the talk turned - as it had in the column a couple of months back - to the names people give their dominoes.

Round that way, says Peter Metcalfe, the double four was picturesquely known as "owld square fyes" (there is a certain Durham twang about this) and the double six as "Coxhoe lang rar", to rhyme with car.

He also recalls that a domino was dubbed the Curse of Scotland, but is unable to remember which one. Isn't there a playing card similarly accursed?

Readers may have the trick up their sleeves.

the only English football club to have played in neither the top or bottom divisions since 1959 (Backtrack, June 26) is Bristol Rovers. As several readers pointed out, however, they'll be in the third next season.

Gavin Ledwith from West Rainton today seeks the identity of a Newcastle United man who played for the club in the 1960s, 70s and 80s, another who appeared in the 70s, 80s and 90s and a third who's been on the first team sheet in the 80s, 90s and in the present decade.

The answer to that intriguing little poser on Tuesday.

Until then, as they say, God bless you.