Proof that a little learning mightn't be so bad after all, a damning set of school reports has been marked down for our attention.
"I stole them," says their subject, unapologetically.
In 1946, when he was nine, he could read a few two and three letter words. The following year's report noted that he had a very poor memory and that he talked too much.
By 1948 he could spell two and three letter words, add and subtract tens and units but may still have believed that the eleven plus was part of an unfinished sum. His speech was good and he had plenty of practice. His tongue, said the report, was never still.
In January 1949, when he was 12, he was said to enjoy singing and dancing, though his speech had become rather slovenly. "Tries hard to get on, but has poor ability," added the headmaster discouragingly.
That summer's report had deteriorated still further. "Erratic in his efforts and would rather play than work....irresponsible and mischievous in behaviour."
The head supposed, however, that he should improve as he got older.
A year later his marks had fallen again - "not bright, but apparently keen once his interest is aroused" - and in 1951, when the 15-year-old was off into the world, his mental age was put at ten.
"Still backward," concluded the headmaster.
George Reynolds, of course, has been coming forward ever since.
So George - chairman of Darlington Football Club, self-made multi-millionaire, perpetual remover of cuddies from their hind legs - conducts the column's first guided tour of the Quakers' arising, arousing new stadium.
There are hard hats and hard heads. It looks honestly, massively, unequivocally stupendous.
The cost is put at close to £20m and without a penny borrowed, the capacity at 25,730.
There will be 28 executive boxes, 12 bars, three open-daily restaurants, unique provision for the disabled.
It'll be finished, he says, by Christmas. There's talk of a big bash, fireworks and things, to mark the new year.
Behind the bottom goal; there'll also be a lake with a little island on which there'll be nesting boxes and some sanctuary. George anxiously seeks assurances from project manager Frank Little that if it floods the breeding grounds won't be affected.
"Ducks like the wet," says the project manager.
"Not over their eggs they don't," says the chairman.
"Likes animals," the 1948 report had observed, and clearly it was right all along.
Slap me, if dear old George wasn't also the guest at West Auckland FC's sponsors' evening on Saturday, though he refrained from telling his fire engine story. He will, though, when time permits.
There also was John Witherspoon, a commercial descendant of Sir Thomas Lipton who financed the "World Cup" won legendarily by West in 1909 and 1911, who still sponsors the club - even brought them some Lipton's tea - and plans a book on the great adventure.
The club puts it more succinctly. They have persuaded the County council to add "Home of the first World Cup" beneath the new approach signs to the village.
The League chairman, happily, had little to do or say but presented an engraved clock to Paul Adamson, 39, for 14 years a prolific goal scorer for West.
Paul, Darlington lad, retired from the Northern League last season, took up refereeing - such is his love of the game - and while apparently at peak fitness suffered a heart attack earlier this year.
Happily, he is recovering. Carpe diem, as doubtless they say all the time in West Auckland.
The previous evening to Tow Law FC's beer festival, a marquee on the Ironworks Road sanctum offering real ales like Old Cocky, Blonde Bombshell and Spitfire.
To publicise the event, club chairman John Flynn had offered two free pints to anyone turning up in fancy dress appropriate to one of the beer names - hence the promotional picture of John in Biggles best (Spitfire) with Mavis Orton (Blonde Bombshell), Anne Wood (Old Rosie Cider), Betty Hauxwell (Miss Whiplash) and Tony Hauxwell (Parson's Pledge).
The observant will have noticed a suitable furniture polish in Tony's left hand.
Real ale, alas, is but a summer swallow amid Tow Law's long and pasteurised winter. Even chairman Flynn, so partial to Ireland's national brew that his underpants bear the logo, has abandoned attempts to sell draught Guinness in the clubhouse. Stout fellow, he must now drink Beamish instead.
The rolling stone weekend continued on Sunday with a couple in the Rose and Crown at Witton Park in the company of local lad Tommy Blenkinsopp - 81 gone May - who was Middlesbrough's centre half between 1948-52 and won Football League representative honours whilst with Grimsby Town.
There, too, was Jackie Foster - familiar in the Northern League, former Over 40s League player of the year, long devoted to nurturing football at Witton Park's roots - and 72-year-old Peter Cassidy, who may be the only football club chairman in Britain also to have driven the Mallard. (Passed fireman, Darlington sheds, 1956.)
Lovely lads, all of them. They lost at the dommies, though.
Tommy Blenkinsopp, who'd kicked off at West Auckland before the war, was renowned for his liking of two or three pints and a raw egg in the Empire on Linthorpe Road before games at Ayresome Park.
These days he still enjoys a late liquid lunch - it was 4.30pm - but keeps the egg, boiled, for his breakfast.
A PS to Friday's recollection of Somerset's famous 279 run victory over Yorkshire - 100 years ago this week - after trailing by 238 on first innings.
Ian McDougall from Bishop Auckland quotes Neville Cardus's account that Yorkshire believed Len Braund, who hit 107 in Somerset's second innings, to have been caught at slip by Tunnicliffe when 55.
One umpire was unsighted, the other gave the batsmen the benefit, the home side gracefully got on with it.
After the visitors passed 500, however, England all rounder George Hirst - "a player noted for his honesty and true sportsmanship" - addressed himself to umpire Wright. "Eck Walter," said Hirst, "tha knaas thou'rt a reight foo-il."
Today, reflects Ian, a similar reaction would probably have been unprintable.
Brent "Bomber" Smith has rung in sick. One of North-East league cricket's best known seamers but now fast approaching 50, he first did his back and then his knee ligament, which really tore it.
Bomber's 49, plays for Stafford Place (Thornaby), talks for England. It's so frustrating," he says. "I watch Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee and think I could be doing that, too...."
Smiling from the back page of this month's Club and Institute Journal is a picture of former England forward Ralph Coates, back home in Hetton-le-Hole for a meeting of the local Sunderland Supporters Club branch.
Ralph, now 55, had 216 Football League appearances for Burnley between 1964-71 before a £180,000 move to Spurs. He made four full international appearances.
Burnley's side of the 60s was famously North-East orientated, of course, but can it really be true - as Club Journal reckons - that they once played at Newcastle with a team entirely comprising men from the region.
Ralph's on holiday. Can any reader offer enlightenment - or suggest the closest that the Magpies have ever been to doing the same?
the first footballer to both play for and manage the same championship winning side (Backtrack, July 6) was George Graham, of Arsenal.
Brian Shaw (again) today invites the identity of the goalkeeper who between 1981-93 played for three different English clubs and didn't miss a game for any of them.The column returns on Friday.
Like George Reynolds, we may improve with age.
Published: Tuesday, July 10, 2001
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