Simpsons wrestling?

HOMER Simpson was recently voted the greatest TV personality of all time. The guys at Electronic Arts must have been whooping with joy.

The world's biggest software publisher recently unleashed the latest Simpsons game on the PS1. It's an unusual take on a cartoon series that's become something of a cultural phenomenon on both sides of the Atlantic. Why? Because it's a wrestling game.

Now. Homer Simpson may well be the best-loved TV personality of the last fifty years but The Rock he ain't. His sedentary lifestyle, love of TV dinners and hatred of hard work makes him the complete opposite of those man-mountains of the WWF.

He's not so much "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks rolled into one (very yellow) lump of lard.

Grafting TV characters onto a game has been tried before. It's also failed before. Remember South Park Rally or Chef's Love Shack? Thought not.

Simpsons Wrestling (Electronic Arts) isn't as bad as Chef's Love Shack, at least it's fun for a while, but it doesn't maximise the comic potential to be had in a Simpsons game.

You control your favourite character in the ring and take on opponents from the series. And that's it.

As a wrestling game it's too ponderous. The characters don't move quickly enough and the range of moves seems limited by comparison with the best in this genre. The graphics are fun in a functional kind of way and some of the quips do raise a smile, although they tend to grate after a few bouts.

As a Simpsons game it's just not...well, the Simpsons, basically. The result is a game that falls between two stools, not enough grappling action for fight fans and not enough Homer and co for fans of the TV show.

Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards. Format: N64. Publisher: Nintendo. (£44.99).

THAT rarest of things this week, a brand new title for the Nintendo 64. With all the marketing spend going on Game Boy Advance, and preparations for Gamecube well under way, Kirby 64: the Crystal Shards has crept onto store shelves with very little hullabaloo.

The plot is typical Nintendo nonsense: In a distant part of the galaxy a bunch of fairies lived peacefully on a planet rejoicing in the name of Ripple Starr.

A mysterious black cloud changed all that. It surrounded the planet and searched for the fairies' secret treasure - a crystal with strange powers. One brave fairy made off with the crystal but the dark cloud chased her and the ensuing struggle saw the crystal shattered into tiny pieces.

By a remarkable chance the fairy ended up on the planet Pop Star (no, really) home of Nintendo's strange hero, the pink blob known as Kirby. Naturally, on hearing of the fairy's predicament ol' Kirb decides to retrieve the crystal and restore peace to the galaxy. Or some such rubbish.

Skipping the bizarre plot, this is a fairly straightforward platformer with you controlling Kirby as he searches for bits of the missing crystal.

It's the Nintendo attention to detail that makes it a cut above. Despite the childish story, there's plenty here for seasoned gamers to get their teeth into.

The character control is sublime. Kirby can walk, run, duck, jump and swallow At various times he also flies and swims.

To hold your interest, Nintendo has included several mini games and there's a theatre that allows you to enjoy your favourite FMV from the adventure so far.

By no means an essential purchase, especially if you already own Mario 64, Donkey Kong and the two Banjo games, but Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards is a pleasant diversion and a reminder of what video games used to be like pre-Resident Evil. Clearly there's life in the N64 yet.

Stunt GP. Format: DC. Publisher: Eon. (£29.99).

ANOTHER format that's struggling at the moment is the Dreamcast. But one area where it seems to be ridiculously well served by software is the radio controlled racing genre.

The latest addition to the RC Racer stable is Stunt GP from Team 17 and Eon. Eschewing the real world physics model of similar titles, Stunt GP is a straightforward arcade racer running at a ridiculous speed and gravity defying pace.

It may be the last title to hit the shelves but at least there's plenty of variety to be had. Stunt GP players get to choose from 16 wacky vehicles, and 24 crazy tracks. Each car can be customised to go faster or perform even stranger stunts.

Team 17 have also packed in a multi- player mode. Sadly it's only split screen and not 'Net based but it's still a hoot to challenge a pal.

The graphics are sharp and slowdown isn't a problem, even with several cars on screen at the same time.

SOFTWARE round up:

Real time strategy fans should be able to snap up the ultimate Command and Conquer bundle this week when EA re- releases the series at a bargain price. If you haven't experienced these games already then this represents something of a bargain.

All PS2 owners have eagerly awaited Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec. Considered by many to be the ultimate driving simulator, Gran Turismo gets a PS2 polish and lots of new models to thrash. But why still no vehicle damage when you crash? Watch out for a full review soon.

GIZMO OF THE WEEK

What's so unusual about the Panasonic SD05? It looks like just another set of ear phones (albeit a funky looking pair). But these £300 cans hide a nifty little addition: a full-featured MP3 player.

The SD05 can play both MP3 and AAC (Advanced Acoustic Coding) tracks and, with 64MB of memory on board, there's enough space to store a whole CD's worth of music, more if you can stand the drop in quality.

It's good stuff but the controls can only be operated on the phones themselves and the software will only work with Win 98/ME equipped computers.

CHEAT OF THE WEEK

For an instant victory in Command & Conquer: Red Alert on the PlayStation press the following buttons: cross, square, square, circle, triangle, circle.