Bench mark: Sitting in the office all day, glued to a computer screen could soon become a thing of the past, thanks to a new hi-tech park bench. The new bench in Suffolk is the most technologically advanced in the world and will allow people to plug their laptops into a power supply whilst out and about. Microsoft has developed the bench which they say will encourage Internet use in a "more natural and organic environment".

If the hi-tech bench catches on it could signal the end of frayed tempers in offices across the country as people get stressed as their computers crash. With the relaxing sound of the wind in the trees and birds singing, working on a computer would become a much more enjoyable experience. There are some problems, like what happens when we are faced with a traditional British summer, but no doubt the waterproof version of the outdoor computer will soon be on its way, making laptops truly portable at last.

Bum deal: Forget burning love letters, ripping up photos and cutting up his clothes - there is a new, more satisfying way to get your own back on someone who breaks your heart. Spurned lovers can now ease the pain of a break-up by getting their ex's face printed on toilet paper. And it's not just the face of your loved one that can take pride of place in your toilet. The therapeutic loo roll can be printed with anyone's photograph, whether it's a hated boss or nagging mother-in-law. The aptly named X-wipes claim to cure broken hearts and channel aggressive feelings in a more productive way. The great thing about X-wipes is you can get your revenge while keeping your dignity. The object of your hate won't know what's going on so you can smile smugly and enjoy your revenge without having to make a show of yourself in public. The innovative toilet paper is distributed via www.halflife.com and is sure to become a best seller across the country as angry husbands and wives flush their marriages down the pan!

Model values: Fashion has always been fickle, but who would have thought it would take such a short amount of time for models to try on fur again. The latest collections from all the top designers included fur from a variety of animals, which ensured their clothes were given maximum media coverage. Everyone excepts designers to go out to shock but the models should have stuck by their principles. Niaomi Campbell joined a host of other top models a few years ago for a poster campaign in which she declared she'd rather go bare than wear fur. But last week she was strutting down the catwalks draped in a variety of animal skins. Both animal activists and the pro-fur lobby should be disgusted by the top models' behavior. They have shown their principles can simply be bought and they will wear anything if the price and the name is right.

Their job may be as an animated clothes horse, but the minute they speak up about an issue they owe themselves and their fans the decency to stick to their guns. However amazing the girls looked on the catwalks, the pelts they wore were not half as beautiful as when they were on the animals' backs.

Because she wants to: Billie Piper's contribution to the music industry will not be missed, but her decision to retire at the ripe old age of 18 is still a mistake. Her media marriage to Chris Evans has led her to spend most of the last six months in the pub and so she has been unwilling and unable to work on her new album and single. Now, after talks with her record company she has decided not to record any more songs. She has yet to announce what she plans to do, if anything, but you can bet her husband will have plans for her. Having failed in his last few ventures, Mr Evans will try to live his success through his wife - turning her into whatever will make him the most money. Prepare to see Billy in sexy poses in lads' magazines, presenting late night TV shows and spending even more time in the pub. She made a name for herself by appealing to a young market, but Evans knows where the quick money is and will no doubt be marketing her for a more adult audience. Fine in the short-term, but if the marriage fails or Billie stops being such a marketable commodity, she could find herself and her career on the scrap heap