THE silly season is at its height, so that means crop circles are in the news again. The latest creation, 400 or so perfectly aligned in a mammoth psychedelic swirl 1,500ft across, is baffling even the most sceptical observers.

The sheer size and mastery of geometry in this case is astounding experts, who have described it as "incredible" and "very, very exciting". Paranormalists, ufologists and other circle believers say humans could not possibly have made them. Perhaps I am a hard-bitten old cynic, but it would take much more than this to make me believe aliens have landed.

Yet, I can't help being thrilled by these crop circles all the same. Because the magical notion of gangs of skilful crackpots racing around corn fields to create such magnificent handiwork under cover of darkness is almost as astounding to me as the possibility of aliens in our midst.

Some of the structures are incredibly complex and beautiful, with formations ranging from DNA structures to snowflakes, webs and sophisticated geometric patterns. And one of the most impressive aspects is how so many pranksters have managed to keep quiet about it for so long.

So why do they do it? Simply because they want to baffle and entertain us. It really is as silly, and as daft, and as wonderful as that.

NEIL and Christine Hamilton have done their bit for the silly season - both here and in Southern Ireland, where we were on holiday when the story broke. Although, before the sex offence allegations, most people there had never heard of the Hamiltons, we were treated to pictures of Christine, charging around like Widow Twankey on HRT, all over the front pages every day. The coverage in England, I imagine, must have been even greater. But surely, we've all had enough? Can't someone just thank the Hamiltons for their services and ask them to move along? There must be something good on the telly by now.

MEANWHILE, John Cleese says he's leaving Britain because we are not silly enough. He may once have been incredibly funny, but has spent the last 15 years making management videos, writing po-faced books about therapy and relationships, appearing in supermarket adverts and joining the SDP. Britain hasn't lost its sense of silliness, but John Cleese has clearly lost his sense of humour.

I SUSPECT the Blair family's experience of Ryanair will have been different to ours. I didn't mind the delays, nor the cramped seats or the fact we couldn't sit together when we flew to Italy last summer. After all, we bought cheap tickets with a no-frills airline and didn't expect much. But we were unprepared for just how surly and rude some of the staff - who, admittedly, appeared overworked and stressed - were. Although it was early in the day, they had run out of most drinks and snacks. We may have been low-budget ticket-holders, but, as one passenger pointed out, a smile and a kind word doesn't cost anything.

ITV'S new Saturday night Premiership football programme has been panned by the critics for having not enough football and too many adverts. Funnily enough, in my view, the problem is the other way round.

Published: Friday, August 24, 2001