NOEL'S NOEL: Everyone's favourite Popstars Hear'Say are set to record a duet with the winners of the German version of the show that rocketed them to fame.

Danny, Kym, Noel, Suzanne and Myleene are hoping their duet with all-girl band No Angels will give them their first Christmas No 1. The bands hit it off when they performed together in Europe and decided to work together on a song called Till I Get Over You. No Angels, who comprise Vanessa, Lucy, Sandy, Nadja and Jessica, have also been supporting the British five-piece on their recent tour, which hit Newcastle last weekend.

GROWING YOUNG: Good news for those of us who don't want to face the fact that time is passing by. According to research into modern lifestyles - the majority of people don't start growing up until at least 35. That means young people not only have their teens to stay out late, buy flash cars and drink too much - it can carry on well into their 30s. When you have 60 or 70 years to be mature, it seems like a good idea to spend the first three decades just having a laugh.

GRASS CUTTING: The ultimate labour-saving device is now on the market. People who hate mowing, watering and feeding their lawn can now have the green, green grass of home without the hard work. A property developer is claiming to have made gardening easy by fitting new houses with artificial lawns. Using technology usually reserved for sports pitches, the developer is offering grass carpets for homes across Britain. The grass can be laid in half a day and once it's down, you won't have to worry about it ever again. It looks and feels like the real thing and only needs a good brush once a month to keep it looking great. It is also stain-proof, fireproof and won't graze you if you fall over on it.

So put the mower at the back of the shed and get that lounger out.

BOOTED OUT: If you have a spare £6,000 to spare, then head to Gucci and pick up the latest in designer chic - crocodile skin boots that retail at a massive £6,500. If you ignore the ethical issues of wearing crocodile skin and the fact that the boots resemble fisherman's waders, this is the footwear that the top toffs are parading around in, though whether or not the boots would sell as well if they didn't have the Gucci name, is questionable.

SO UNFUNNY: Frank Skinner is a comic star who is good at raising a laugh and not bad at belting out a funny song. Sadly, he seems to think he is much more of a star than he really is. Publishers are struggling to sell the serial-isation rights to his auto-biography which claims to be a 'warts and all' account of his life. He may have had a battle with the booze and a few experiences with the fairer sex, but it seems no one is that interested in what he has to say. National papers are said to have offered only five-figure sums for the rights to the book; Victoria Beckham got £750,000 for her words of wisdom. Newspaper editors know what will sell papers and the tales of an old soak comic are just not glamorous.

It's a sad fact that if Frank was a bit better looking, a bit younger and had slept with a few famous people, his story would be a whole lot more interesting.

DANCE DAZE: Once the destination of the beautiful people of dance world, it seems Ibiza has lost some of its sparkle. Local people have been complaining about the number of dance events staged in the area and are asking to be left alone. The third MTV Ibiza event was moved at the last moment this summer after the mayor of San Antonia asked for a £22,000 donation for a local church.

There had also been complaints about noise from the event which attracts an average of 10,000 people. Radio One is also thinking twice about returning to Ibiza after fears from locals that there are too many drunken thugs heading for the area. It may be terrible for the locals for a few months of the year, but how the economy would fare without the clubbers is questionable.

Maybe Ibiza should just admit that it needs the clubbers as much as they need Ibiza.