THE Church of England's decision to consider the sale of the paintings by Francisco de Zurbaran which hang in Auckland Castle has produced a predictably half-baked response from some.

The 17th century paintings of Jacob and his 12 sons - and, yes, Spectator has seen them and they are magnificent - have been in the castle for 250 years. During that time, one wonders, how many local people have visited the Bishop of Durham's palatial pad to see them?

The painter and the subject matter have no North-East connections. The pictures are only at Auckland because a previous bishop bought them.

For the Church to fancy a possible £20m windfall to help out hard-up parishes seems common sense - certainly compared to the comment by Coun Olive Brown, leader of Wear Valley District Council, that the paintings were a unique part of Wear Valley's heritage.

Wear Valley was only created in the 1974 local government reorganisation. Its power base, jealously guarded by its Labour leaders, has always been Crook, not Bishop Auckland.

Spectator hopes the Zurbarans end up at the Bowes museum at nearby Barnard Castle - they would certainly be a draw. But, please, spare us the claptrap about them being part of North-East culture.

So helpful

WASPS are busy at the moment. The windowcleaner who found a nest under the eaves said it was the fourth he'd seen that day. The householder rang Darlington Borough Council, where the first question is invariably: "Are you a private householder?"

It was, and he was surprised to be offered help, even at a charge of £46, having, as a private householder, been refused help or even advice on asbestos disposal ("we don't do it") and drainage problems ("yes, it is the right number for private householders but all our equipment is on loan to the council housing department").

His cynicism was fully restored, however, when the information that the nest was at first floor level brought the reply that council staff were not insured to go up ladders. "You're kidding" has been the least of the reactions when the tale has been told.

Incidentally, the private firm called in went cheerfully up a ladder, made sure the roof space had not been invaded too, and charged all of £25.

Poor timing

SOUTH Durham NHS trust has been debating changes to hospital meals envisaged by TV pundit Lloyd Grossman, among others.

Spectator had been unaware that one of the changes envisaged is moving the main meal to an evening.

Spectator is old enough to remember going home from school every dinnertime for a family meal of meat and two veg, and always thought it was healthier to have the largest meal in the middle of the day. Times have changed simply because of altered working patterns - Mrs Spectator, like many others, is not in the kitchen of a morning, but at work.

Also, evenings are the main visiting times at hospital. Popping in to see a sick friend only to find them midway through a Grossman meal would be a bit off-putting for all concerned.

Think again, Mr Grossman ...