The Pub Quiz

For answer sheets I've paid my pound

Can't wait until the music round

Pint on table, pen in hand

Dulcet tones of the question man

Where and what and why and when?

(Bet he gets it wrong again)

Who won the cup in '52?

Where the heck is Timbuktu?

Stalagmite or stalactite?

Who invented dynamite?

Where's my paper, what's my score?

When was the battle of Agincourt?

Head is spinning, need a break

Stop the quiz for heaven's sake!

The picture round is getting dull,

The photos indistinguishable;

Leon Trotsky, Jimmy Nail

And some unknown from Emmerdale.

The year of birth of Vera Lynn?

If you know, cheap plonk you win.

The jackpot question - what a sod

Unanswerable by all but God

At last the end! My bed I seek

I'll see you all again next week.

Dave Cadman, Darlington.

The Clippy Mat

On Lindisfarne I saw this church, its doors were open wide,

Curiosity overcame me, and I humbly stepped inside.

The usual church items were there on display

But something at the back of the church really made my day.

It was a mat - a clippy mat, in wooden frames it lay,

With a hook, spare pieces of material and a message for the day,

Which read: "If you so wish, take a seat and sit awhile,

"Pick up the hook and material, add your contribution with a smile."

I 'pegged' a couple of pieces, my mind immediately took flight,

To childhood memories making clippy mats beside a coal fire, warm and bright.

And outside the snow would be falling and the winter days dark and grim,

But colourful patterns on the clippy mat were a welcoming sight within.

I left this pretty church and wandered on my way,

But for one moment I'd become a child of yesterday.

And yet as I made my exit, I felt an inner glee,

That there in a simple clippy mat, I had left a part of me.

Olga Ramshaw, West Rainton.

Must Be My Age

Once upon a time.

When I was very small,

For televisions and mobile phones

We didn't have much call.

The silver screen was more our scene,

With Jungle King Weismuller,

Now, the jungle's concrete

Starring Arnold Schwartzen....Muller?

As time passed by and so it does,

I bought a four-wheeled steed,

A Standard Vanguard, fifty pounds

And bought on the drip feed.

Unlike today's hot hatches,

It was built just like a wagon.

Fuel consumption hefty,

Ten lamp posts to the gallon.

Two pounds to fill the tank

And take my family out.

A day down by the sea

Would cost us next to nowt.

Not for us The Ultimate,

Or even Pepsi Max,

We'd Moon Rocket, Skid and Shuggy Boats,

Talk about relax!

Eating out, no problem

Just join the three-mile queue

For fish and chips, hot water

And extra for a brew.

You see there wasn't a McDonald's

To cope with families,

Or Burger King supplying

Drive-in facilities.

So now when I look back

With spectacles you see,

And tongue in cheek

I'll say that things

Ain't what they used to be!

Bob Parker, Newton Hall, Durham.

Christmas

Hark the Herald Angels sing,

And merrily the cash tills ring,

Tis the season of goodwill

That is prior to the bill.

Our Saviour in a manger lay

And so we celebrate His day

With plastic cards, mayhem and queues,

And retail worship fuelled with booze.

Before we finish, praise and hail,

Each shop is gearing for the sale,

Which may I say, the question begs,

Where to buy the Easter eggs?

Maureen Blackett, Darlington.

The Angels of Aycliffe

It was the self-styled traitor, Lord Haw Haw

Who gave the Angels their fame

"In admiration of their bravery",

Loudly he would acclaim.

They made bullets, they filled shells,

Without thought of danger to themselves.

For 50 years they had one ambition

To achieve well-deserved recognition

And march down Whitehall in military precision.

Mary Wright, Shildon.

An Autumn Walk

All creation praises the Lord

As autumn colours abound

For as the sun shines from above

It lights up the leaves all round.

Nature's glory on a November day

Displayed for us in bright array.

So we join in and praise God too

For the wonders He does for me and you.

And the biggest wonder of them all

Is that Jesus loves us, hears our call.

So though we praise Him for creation

We praise him most for our salvation.

Elizabeth Tomlinson, Richmond.

Times Past

Oh to be young and in my prime,

I'd wish it could last till the end of time.

But as you get old and your hair turns to grey,

You find those times have slipped away.

When you look back on bygone days,

You find life has changed in so many ways.

If I could have my wishes come true,

I would wish them all, to come to you.

So think of today and not the past,

And let those precious memories forever last.

Live for today and forget the past.

Sarah Denham, Newton Aycliffe.

Spin OAP to MPs

People who care have a quest in life

Mine is in poetry and pointing out strife

Poetry should rhyme and be a pleasure to read

Mine is for necessity and not for greed.

Granda's army will have to fight once more

To afford to live on our own shore

We must unite for one more fight

For a decent pension which is our right.

To highlight the wrong through power of print

And remove from pensioners' vocabulary the word 'skint'

We are past the age of work and sport

And for what we achieved you're paying us short.

Where you come from it matters nought

As long as you are good at sport

We made this possible and at great cost

Where would you have been if we had lost?

We must unite with the power of the word

And keep up the pressure till we are heard

Our basic pension to live and to dine

Is less than the cost of a good bottle of wine.

I will finish as I started with a little quest

I've highlighted our problems now you do the rest.

This poem should be read by all MPs sitting

Our basic rise would then be fitting.

E Askew, Kirk Merrington.

Cracked Surface

Crack the paint on the walls

Scratching with your knife

Help it to decay

Falling apart

Just like me.

You could watch transfixed

Stare at the damage you've done

No

Not You

You hide away

Feeling nothing

Like stone

Can't face what you've done.

Look in my eyes when I see you

Watch the colour drain away

Just like my happiness did

It's slowly growing back

But you're always there

In the edges of my mind

Waiting to destroy me.

I need the fear to leave

Need to escape the past

And those memories that keep me awake

I need to forget your face.

Sarah Thompson, Newton Aycliffe.