FREDA McGrath and Barbara Davison both gave up their babies for adoption more than 30 years ago but, despite being friends for 20 years, neither knew about the other's experiences.

They laugh about it now but it illustrates a serious point - in many cases adoption is a taboo subject and those who are affected can feel isolated.

Freda says: "Barbara and I have known each other for years but it was only when I mentioned to her husband that I was trying to trace my daughter that we realised we had both been through the same thing. It's never been a secret and both our families know all about it but people just don't talk about adoption."

Barbara adds: "I suppose people feel too embarrassed or awkward to talk about it and for years I felt like I was the only one who had been through it. Later I realised there are thousands of other people like Freda and me. We want to let them know they are not alone and that there are people there who can help them."

Around five thousand children are currently waiting to be adopted in Britain but while the adoption process itself is rigorous, there is very little post-adoption support. Both Freda and Barbara are volunteers with Durham Family Welfare's adoption panel. Influenced by their work with the charity and their own experiences, they launched an adoption advice service.

"The advice centre is for anyone who has been touched by adoption in some way or another," explains Barbara. "Some people might want to know how to trace their children or birth mothers. Others might just want to come in for a chat because, up until now, there has been nowhere for them to go." The first session took place last month at the Dolphin Centre in Darlington and, despite virtually no advertising, three people visited, one of whom had travelled over 40 miles looking for advice.

Freda was 20 when she gave birth to her daughter 38 years ago. Nine years later, Barbara had a son when she was 17. Neither wanted to give their babies up but both were unmarried and felt they had no choice.

Freda remembers: "I lived with my aunt and uncle and we didn't have a lot of money. In those days there was no social security or houses for single mothers. I didn't want to give her up but it wouldn't have been fair either on her or my aunt and uncle."

Barbara had similar feelings. "Even on the day I came out of hospital, my dad said I didn't have to do it but at the time it seemed like the best thing. I was the oldest of nine children and I couldn't have expected my mum to look after my baby while I went out to work."

Freda began searching for her daughter three-and-a-half years ago through social services. "You never forget the child you gave up and there are times when it's particularly hard, like on their birthdays," she says. "I'd been thinking about her a lot and one day I came in from work and just phoned social services to say I wanted to trace her. They put me in touch with Durham Family Welfare and it all started from there."

The organisation discovered that Freda's daughter, Jane Hodge, was living in Hartlepool and contacted her to see if she wanted to meet her mother. The answer was yes and after an initial letter and several phone calls, the pair were ready to meet face-to-face. "I was nervous, very nervous but in the end it was wonderful. I was on such a high for a long time after that.

"She's just like one of my other two daughters now and we see each other all of the time. Her mum and dad have been fantastic and I'm just pleased they have let me into her life. A lot of adopters feel threatened when children want to trace their birth mums but they've grown up with them and you can never take their place. You wouldn't want to."

But everyone's experience is different and although Barbara knows where her son is living, she hasn't been in contact with him. She carried out her own search so, unlike in Freda's case, there was no intermediary to arrange a meeting. She says: "Not having someone else to approach him makes it a bit more difficult but I have a 28-year-old daughter and a 26-year-old son. Both have different thoughts about it. I have to think about them as well and, for the moment, it's on hold. When I think we're all ready, I will take the next step."

Everyone, whether adoptee or birth mother, has their own reasons for carrying out a search. Some want to assure themselves that their baby has grown up happy and healthy while others want to know what they look like. Some children track down their mothers to find out why they were adopted, perhaps to vent their anger or satisfy their curiosity.

Barbara explains: "It's not always easy and not everyone has a happy ending like Freda. It's our job to make it as easy as possible and support people through the process, however it turns out."

The adoption centre currently has six volunteers, including Barbara's younger sister, Linda Wilby. In 1975 she started work at St Cuthbert's Church of England Children's Society in Darlington - a home for young mothers who did not want to give up their babies but had no means of support. They went out to work during the day while nursery nurses like Linda looked after the children.

She says: "Unlike Freda and Barbara, I don't have direct experience of adoption but I do understand what it's all about - all of the volunteers do and that's very important. Tracing a parent or child is an enormous step and we have to be very sensitive."

The centre is part of Durham Family Welfare and receives a small grant to cover the cost of room hire at the Dolphin Centre but Freda and Barbara have to raise any other money they need themselves.

* Sessions take place on the last Wednesday of every month from 1pm to 4pm at the Dolphin Centre in Darlington. Call Durham Family Welfare on 0191-386 3719 for more information. Donations to Adoption Advice Centre, Durham Family Welfare, Agriculture House, Stonebridge, Durham, DH1 3R