THOUGH loathe to be boastful, I have no doubt whatever that I am the person best qualified to pronounce on what it is to be British, and more particularly English, today. So my response to Home Secretary David Blunkett's view that to counter "the self-segregation'' of ethnic minorities we must "develop a sense of identity and a sense of belonging'', is to say loudly: "Absolutely, David, absolutely.''

And when Mr Blunkett goes on to wonder how the "second and third generation'' of Asians in Britain might be assisted to "feel British, belong and identify with Britain'', I strongly advocate my own example as the one to set before them.

Dress: I favour the sports jacket and tie. My wardrobe has never included a pair of jeans.

Food and drink: I have no idea what chicken tikka is. I am only a little less hazy on lasagne and pizza. I have never tasted these dishes, or a Chinese, or an Indian (yes, never had a curry), still less anything Thai. I love fish and chips, steak and kidney pie (but rabbit pie is even better), dumplings (hard or soft), bramble and apple crumble, iced buns. I drink tea - from a cup. Only once have I entered a McDonalds and a Burger King - an experience I have no desire to repeat. I like tea shops with inglenooks, gleaming brass and tablecloths, and restaurants where they might still have a potted palm.

Sport: I don't follow football but care deeply for cricket. It must be played in white - my "cricket test" - and the village game means more to me than the first class variety. But in both, the setting counts as much as the play. Which brings me to:

Landscape: I love wild sweeping moors - but also estuaries of shining mud, and water meadows with leaning willows and cows swishing their tails. Hard millstone grit stone walls... cottages of warm sandstone or old red brick... pigeon lofts, allotments... all these speak fondly to me of England. And so do trim suburbs - Victorian gables poking through trees, an interesting corner where a lilac overhangs a red pillar box. The English taste is finely attuned to such quiet pleasures.

Towns and shopping: I much prefer the High Street to out-of-town shopping centres, which would close if they relied on my custom. I've never shopped at the MetroCentre and have no desire to do so. Approaching a market town, I love to see the church tower rising above the cottage pantiles. If I discover a footway that rewards exploration, my joy is complete.

Holidays: Barely acquainted with the airport departure lounge, I spend my holidays entirely in Britain - usually Cornwall and the Lake District. Our summer fortnight is selected so that the journey there or back can be relieved with Test Match Special, and the pleasant plonking of Wimbledon is an easy, occasionally diverting background in our holiday cottage. Which reminds me of:

Television: I don't watch Cilla, Anne Robinson, Brucie, Chris Tarrant or any soap. And who are Richard and Judy? I don't watch the Lottery draw because I don't do the Lottery.

Yes, I am putting myself forward to direct Mr Blunkett's proposed "light touch programme'' designed to help immigrants "achieve naturalisation''.

Or should I be first in the queue to take the course?