Ten things only Backtrack readers might have known:

* The Sheffield Wednesday player whose brother had a number one Christmas hit was Gilles de Bilde. His brother's Bob....

* St Jude the Obscure is the patron saint of hopeless causes (and thus the Backtrack column).

* The odds against picking up seven doubles in seven dominoes, like Peter Hamilton of the Croxdale Inn, are 1,184,040-1.

* In Teesdale the 3-2 domino is known as Gentle Annie. "It's because there's no harm in it," said games league secretary Frank Watson.

* Marlow Town's all time leading goal scorer is Julius Caesar.

* Tyneside's lesbians held a football competition in Newcastle's Exhibition Park, teams required to wear skirts and to include a "Mrs Robinson". Pantomime cows were forbidden.

* Cricket commentator John Arlott wrote a hymn called God Whose Farm is All Creation.

* The Football League player with the longest name is Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Ronald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway - his mates at Cardiff City call him Charlie.

* A single bedroom flat in Thames Ditton costs £139,500.

* Tow Law chairman John Flynn wears Guinness underpants.

QUOTES

"A bit like Billy Fury" - Bulldog Billy Teesdale describes his karaoke act.

"I didn't think we'd be able to see it this high up," South Shields fan Derek Hardy expresses surprise at the moon's eclipse, January 9.

"We can build on this" - Crook Town fan Michael Manuel after the club's long awaited first win of the season. (They lost the next game 13-0.)

"It was the wife's fault, she made me paint the ceiling this morning" - Northern League referee Malcolm Lambert, after having to come off with a bad back.

"When it comes to football, Tony's a phoney - former Downing Street spin doctor Charlie Whelan on the Prime Minister's black and white credentials.

"I work for George Reynolds and he's the chairman" - former joiner Luke Raine explains his credentials to be Darlington's new director of football.

"Can I have Seb Coe's?" - Hilary Johnson, Darlington born mother of the England rugby captain, on being told she needed a new heart.

"They always said it would be horse work" - Peterlee Newton manager Eddie Freeman after being made to pull the roller as well.

"It's what five years at Leeds United does" - Hartlepool midfielder Mark Tinkler on his greying hair.

"It was literally hell on earth" - Ted Ilderton, on being made to queue in blazing sun for three hours for a train after the FA Cup final in Cardiff.

GOLDEN OLDIES

Kip Watson, 83, Over 40s League secretary and overall Local Heroes award winner 2001.

Billy Bell, former Northern League manager, who revealed that the young Chris Waddle's mum complained that the shouted at the lad. "I shout at all of them," said Billy.

All round sportsman and Shildon lad Jack Watson, 80 in April, among those who define scouts' honour.

Former Darlington player Ken Furphy, 70, left after five days as Exeter City's "technical consultant" after a row with the chaplain.

George Hardwick, 82, given the Freedom of Redcar and Cleveland and to graze his sheep at will.

Crook darts international Doug McCarthy, 59, beating cancer and in the World Masters in Ireland.

Eaglesciffe cyclist Les Dawson, 75, winner of three national time trials (for Over 40s).

Cliff Harrison, Hartlepool lad, won both his England rugby caps at 19 and 70 years later was guest of honour at Twickenham.

Lol Cousins, 72: York football referee who maintains order with a packet of Polo mints.

Barney Frewin, 58, 2400 wickets and fast rising for Normanby Parklands (nee Smiths Dock.)

Former Durham County cricketer and Darlington, Hartlepools and Leeds United footballer Harry Clarke, 80 in April - the man credited with the expression about it being black over Bill's mother's.

ENTHUSIASTS

The Crook branch of the Ross County supporters club.

Agony aunt and Sunderland fan Denise Robertson, who knitted her bairns orange and white scarves at the 1973 Cup Final because the shops had run out of red wool.

Dave Greaves and Mike Bolam, who last season saw every Newcastle United first and second team game, many of the juniors' and still reckoned the best of all was Esh Winning 2 Thornaby 3. The Durham City FC committee who cleared snow from their opponents' pitch at Dunston. (They lost 2-1.)

The 20 Darlington fans who, fourth time in as many seasons, travelled to Torquay for a Tuesday night game and found it postponed an hour before kick off.

Actor and Sunderland supporter John Simpson - Coronation Street baddie Alex Swinton - who changed his professional name to Joe Simpson in honour of former Roker full-back Joe Bolton. "The hardest man alive."

DEATHS

Horace Marshall, 97, doyen of Haughton Cricket Club, Darlington, Last played at 73.

Bob Hardman, voice and front man of North-East amateur boxing, aged 60.

Darlington fanzine Where's the Money Gone, edited for five years by West Auckland teenager Daniel King.

Benny Edwards, Bishop Auckland Amateur Cup hero and lovely chap, 76.

Newton Aycliffe councillor Tony Moore, Liverpool fan and utterly indomitable, 60.

Tony Hawthorne, 56, former Bishop Auckland fast bowler and true character of cricket. "You could sit all day swapping stories about him," someone said.

Ernie Pomfret, 60. Thornley lad and former polliss, in the GB steeplechase team - on 7/6d a day expenses - at the Tokyo Olympics.

Jackie Coe, 93, Willington's goalkeeper in the 1939 Amateur Cup final - a giant at 5ft 7ins.

Bill "Tash" White, Hartlepool lad, Bishop Auckland's 'keeper in the 1951 final.

Brian Henderson, 71, 463 games for Darlington and also remembered for those he played much later for Croft WMC.

John Raw, for more than 50 years the lifeblood of Shildon BR cricket club, aged 78.

Frank Moore, Hartlepool United fan who in his late 80s still liked to be one of the lads behind the goal. When age finally tolled, or told, he'd watch the score on Teletext in the clubhouse.

Maurice Cullen, Shotton Colliery boxer who was five times British lightweight boxing champion, aged 63.

OLD FAVOURITES

Mr Ron Hails, and Patch John Dawson, ground hopper extraordinary, now possessor of a senior citizen's rail card.

Bulldog Billy.

Keith Hopper, 68 and still playing cricket for Bishop Auckland. Got the drinks in in June.

Harry Smurthwaite, 65. Still not the retiring type.

Surreal Neil, the Marske United fan who collects telephone exchanges.

Tony "Jesus" Day, familiar on every North-East cricket ground, who because of bed shortages found himself on Middlesbrough General's maternity wing.

Murton's hole.

The Bearded Wonder, bless him.

Chris Old, former Yorkshire and England all rounder now running a fuish shop in Cornwall. "It's a battle," he said.

Stewart "the Monopod" Dawson, still without a leg to stand on at Spennymoor.

Hodgy, irrepressible.

Doc Forster, ditto, with honours.

Alan Foggon, the only man to play for four of the North-East's big five and player/manager at 51 for Hebburn Dougie's Tavern in the Over 40s League.

"He's lost weight. I doubt if he's much more than 16 stones," said team secretary Ian Robinson.

OUTINGS

Goodison Park, Everton, for a dinner and a warning that high class call girls were operating outside - "It doesn't do much for our European City of Culture bid," said Coun Joe Kenny;

Marlow, v Marske United; Berkhamstead, v Bedlington Terriers; Northamptonshire for an FA weekend school - FA Council members 40p a mile, others 25p; Bradford PA, to see Shack's memorial unveiled; Cardiff, Cup final, nuff said;

Stadium of Light - Stanhope Town v Wearhead, seventh and eighth in the eight strong Crook and District League; Streethouse, v Wolviston - National Village Cricket Cup quarter final; Fleet, Hampshire, FA meeting - "a central location" they said; Rotherham to see former Quakers manager Lol Morgan, 15 years in the Football League and never a goal, "My grandchildren ask me if I ever took a corner," he said.

FOUR-LEGGED

Pies Ar Us, racehorse owned by Taylors the renowned Darlington butchers, who'd objected to Piesarus because it sounded like a prehistoric monster.

Quixall Crossett, Britain's most misspelt loser.

Zak, Redcar MP Vera Baird's Bedlington Terrier, kept away from the FA Vase quarter final between Marske and Bedlington because of something to do with discretion and valour. Darlington Greyhounds FC, 5-0 up at half time, lost on penalties.

Middlesbrough defender Curtis Fleming's rottweiler, swapped by the family for a gentle lhasa apso while he was playing away with Ireland.

Northern Echo, second at Sedgefield, first everywhere else.

MISTAKES

Consett bookie Reuben Page, who offered 100-1 at the start of 2001-02 against Newcastle United winning the Premiership.

Bobby Robsson, who after a hard afternoon autographing books told a fan he'd signed "literally hundreds" and inadvertently signed the book Bobby Hundreds.

George Reynolds's teacher, who on his report wrote: "Tries hard to get on, but has poor ability."

Teletext, which reported that Morpeth had beaten Seaham Red Star 3-0 when the match was postponed. (Morpeth wrote to the Northern League claiming the points.)

The lady at Dunston Federation FC who at the mention of Jackie Charlton said: "What, him in the kung-fu films?"

The Home Office minister who told the late Labour peer Lord Blyton that dominoes wasn't a game of school, but declined his challenge to play him at 5s and 3s.

UNLUCKY

The youth being chased by police who fled into Bishop Auckland cricket ground only to find the third team playing the local constabulary. "He lasted three seconds," we reported.

Sessay Cricket Club, lost the National Village Cup regional final to Wolviston on the toss of a coin down the telephone.

New Inn FC at Hetton-le-Hole, who reached their first ever Durham Sunday League cup final and then found clubs voting 65-1 to scrap all cup competitions because of foot and mouth. No guesses....

Middleham trainer Mark Johnson, dislocated his shoulder in a micro scooter race against his ten-year-old son.

Consett FC, reported to the League for floodlight failure at 4pm on Saturday August 25. "Mind it was black," said League secretary Tony Golightly. Don Black of Cockerton Cricket Club, caught short five times on the boundary during the same match.

MORE QUOTES

"I used to fancy other players' wives, now I ask after their mothers" - Darlington RA wicket keeper Dave Morrison, 57.

"Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill" - motto of Sedgefield Winkers Over 40s football team.

"I've fond memories of the Alnwick area, I used to be in prison there" - Darlington FC chairman George Reynolds offers the locals a friendly.

"Our lass doesn't want me working down south" - long term unemployed Spennymoor Boxing Academy secretary Paul Hodgson explains why he turned down a job in Darlington.

"Who's Pele?" - Judge Hubert Dunn.

"I wouldn't have done it if I believed he was a monster" - Newcastle United fanzine editor Steve Wraith on becoming Charles Bronson's "public relations adviser".

"Most lesbians would rival Roy Keane for commitment, competitiveness and desire to win" - Newcastle listings magazine The Crack.

"It was as if they were wondering how I could run so fast when I drank so much" - international athlete Charlie Spedding, from Croxdale, on why he didn't like the media mentioning his CAMRA membership.

"There are foreign countries closer to Kelloe than Plymouth is" - footballer Mickey Heathcote, homesick for Co Durham.

"Pop" - four-year-old at Evenwood Town FC's tea hut, asked if there wasn't a little word he'd forgotten.

MORE...

A computer virus sent a Durham Sunday League edict on swearing to 84,653 people. 18,233 replied. Pigeon No F31122 was found dead in Mrs Crawford's garden in North Cowton.

Newcastle Disease is a virus which affects pigeons. Harold Shipman works out every day in the Frankland prison gym.

Bishop Auckland FC chairman Tony Duffy has seen all 692 episodes of Prisoner Cell Block H.