Roy of the Rovers heroics, but eight is not a record

West Auckland have beaten Ashington 9-2, striker Roy Allen has scored eight, missed a penalty but gone home to Hartlepool a very happy chap.

"It must be a Northern League scoring record," insists the Cowboy - West's restless secretary Mr Allen Bayles - and the claim is confirmed in Wednesday's sports pages. Both were mistaken.

The league's individual record remains Jack Coulthard's ten in South Bank's 13-0 win over Ferryhill Athletic on May 2, 1936.

"In cricket weather, South Bank ran up a cricket score," the Echo recorded, and there were one or two teams that early May afternoon who almost underlined the exaggeration.

Shincliffe managed just 18 all out in the Coxhoe and District League match against Middlestone Moor and Easington struggled to the same score against Birtley, R Pawston bagging eight for eight on his debut.

Ferryhill had been obliged to use an outfield player in goal; Ashington, too, lost their keeper with the score 2-1. It should in no way detract from Allen's performance - though it wasn't even a personal best. He once scored 11 in a Sunday morning match in Hartlepool.

"I suppose I did OK on Tuesday but as well as a replacement goalkeeper they'd also had a man sent off," he insists.

The missed penalty would have been his eighth; he'd already scored from the spot. "I knew I shouldn't have taken it. I think it's unlucky to take two in the same match," he says.

"He was incredible, absolutely on fire," says the Cowboy.

The league's only other record of eight in a match was by Billingham Synthonia's Arthur Rhodes - known as Dusty, like the great cricketer - in the 9-2 win at South Bank on Christmas Day 1945.

Newsprint was scarce and news values no more in evidence. Sports items on December 27, 1945 would barely have covered a small envelope, Rhodes' feat wasn't mentioned at all.

Legends also persist that Bishop Auckland greats Seamus O'Connell and Laurie Brown both hit nine in a match, though it wasn't in the league. The Bearded Wonder is equally anxious to diminish claims by former Bishops' chairman Steve Newcombe that Phil Linacre scored 11 in a league game.

Harvey Harris, at West Auckland on Tuesday, also saw Michael Chopra score eight for Newcastle United against Darlington in an Under 17s match last season. "But at Northern League level," he says, "I've never seen anyone as deadly as Roy Allen."

Sleepless with excitement, the Midnight Cowboy agrees entirely.

Jack Coulthard, an analytical chemist lost at sea when his merchant vessel was torpedoed during the war, had also broken the Northern League record with 64 league and cup goals for Stockton in 1931-32, before his unparalleled profligacy for South Bank.

May 2 was the last day of the 1935-36 season. More than 5,000 spectators crowded Usworth Welfare to see Birtley beat Shotton Colliery in the Wearside League Cup final; Lumley Sixth Pit Welfare - bottom of the Wearside the previous season - clinched the championship the same day; just 2,914 at Feethams saw "dismal" Darlington lose their third game in a week.

Middlesbrough, the Echo reported, had signed promising amateurs Harry Hardy and Harold Shepherdson from South Bank East End, Boro Reserves beat West Stanley 10-2 in a North Eastern League match and at Aberdare, Dickie Bell from Stanley, Crook bagged a hat-trick in England schoolboys' 6-0 win over Wales.

Bell, just 5ft 4in, hit 12 goals in three schools internationals that season, a record that once graced the Guinness Book. Though he signed schoolboy forms at Sunderland, he grew only another inch and never made the big time.

His striking partner at Aberdare did rather better. The Echo simply identified him as Shackleton.

Already the club's much appreciated benefactor, Bobby Robson has agreed to become Tow Law's vice-president.

At his own request he will be identified on the letterheads as Mr R W Robson CBE, MA - in which honoured company he will join club chairman John Flynn LL.B and team manager Graeme Forster PhD, BSc and one or two other things as well.

The Magpies manager, of course, is widely tipped for a knighthood. "If he gets it," says Dr Forster, "we're having bigger notepaper."

England played Ireland at Middlesbrough on February 25, 1905. Team information occupied about three lines of the programme, details of the FA Council six pages.

Lord Kinnaird, the president, is described as "a fine example of the muscular Christian", F J Wall, the secretary, as "courtly", J C Clegg, the chairman, as "distinguished above all men in the football world."

Everyone bar Mr William Pickford is "popular" or "highly respected" at the very least of it; Mr Pickford, by virtue of being a Bolton boy, is considered "gradely."

North-East representatives include Durham FA secretary John Glover, John Howcroft from Redcar ("as a player, the prince of Northern goalkeepers") and Harry Walker ("a true enthusiast") who helped form the Northern League and to talk Middlesbrough into the Football League.

The England team included Darlington-born Charlie Roberts, who became the first chairman of the PFA. Those unable to get into the match might alternatively have watched Haley's Garden of Girls ("a clever troupe of juveniles") at the Borough Hippodrome.

The programme, remarkably preserved, is among many gems on offer at an auction in Middlesbrough on April 25.

"This chap just came in off the street with two carrier bags. I couldn't believe the treasures he has inside them," says John Wilson, who runs Methuselah.

Much of the collection, including Boro programmes from 1910 and the 1912 Amateur Cup final between Stockton and Eston, goes under the hammer at Marton Country Club, where Methuselah relives the old, old story.

John would much welcome other lots, particularly from Sunderland and Newcastle. He's on 01642 325355; free catalogues on request.

Still among the collectors, though perhaps a different price bracket, a short note from Stephen Richardson asks if anyone can help his nine-year-old daughter with her collection of "amateur and professional" programmes - "either those who have no need of them, or will sell at a reasonable price. They're at 3 Sharon Avenue, Kelloe, Co Durham DH6 4NE. "She also collects old tins," adds dad.

Much carousing in Brandon Sports Club on Sunday after the team won its first Durham Sunday League game for two years, 1-0 against the Washington Arms.

"We haven't had the rub of the green," explains club steward Peter Crossling.

The occasion was particularly notable for goalkeeper Mark "Nogger" Nolan, an assistant groundsman at Durham County Cricket Club, who kept his first clean sheet in memory, was awarded the customary champagne as man of the match and, no less customarily, sprayed it all over the place.

Peter wonders why players do such wasteful things.

"It was the best bubbly, cost me £3.99 from Somerfield."

On the trail of last weekend's missing results, Over 40s League secretary Kip Watson finally found a usually reliable club official who always rang in on his mobile. "Sorry," he said, "I put the television remote control in my pocket by mistake."

Kip's decided that they won't be fined. Unlike the remote control, the excuse rang a bell.

Thirty five years after joining Darlington Referees' Society in a "temporary" capacity, George Simpson has been given life membership in recognition of his contribution.

"I might have to think about making it permanent," said George, president of the Church and Friendly League, after receiving an inscribed whisky decanter and glasses from Society president Alex McPhee.

The Society also made a presentation to Alan Rusk, retiring after 30 years and over 2,000 games as a referee and noted, smart mover, for his immaculate appearance.

A bunch calling themselves the Old Dirigibles ("a navigable balloon or airship" says Chambers) have also been on, about a proposed reunion. Plenty of hot air there, then.

They're footballers, largely the lunchtime local government lads from Middlesbrough, Teesside and Cleveland councils who've been kicking around sports centres since the 60s.

Eric Smallwood, the organiser, is early retired at 57 but still turns out for his weekly thrash. "Pele was right, it's a beautiful game at whatever level your body allows you to play," he says.

He'd love to hear from any other municipal maestros: 01642 272875.

THE gambling fraternity's reason for rejoicing on May 1, 1961 (Backtrack, February 12) was that it was the day betting shops became legal.

"It will be a week or two before punters accustom themselves to the idea," said the Echo. Bookies' runners remained illegal for another month, after which they became "accredited agents."

Brian Shaw in Shildon today seeks the identity of the first football competition in England to carry the name of a sponsor - and so, unlike the Midnight Cowboy, to bed