OH boy, that's a relief! The over-50s have been reborn. We are not over-the-hill, sliding inexorably towards a land of elasticated waists, Ovaltine and problems with our pension plans. No, we have been rediscovered, reinvented and rebranded as "Radical Boomers".

Well, we've never been anything different really.

Yes, we're talking 'bout my generation. (And if you instantly got The Who quote, then you're probably as old as I am...)

We are the generation who virtually discovered sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, who turned on, tuned in, dropped out, who shocked our parents back in the Sixties. Although compared with what goes on now, it all seems quite innocent really. Still, we shall do our best to shock our children.

According to new research in Europe, Japan and the United States, fifty-somethings all over the world have one thing in common - we're refusing to grow old gracefully. Hurrah.

"This is a rule-breaking generation that has redefined the parameters of every life-stage through which it has passed," says one author of the new study. "They are instinctively rebellious, non-conformist, narcissistic and determined to stay young."

Sounds good to me. And could also explain why it's not that long since my younger son asked me what I was going to do when I grew up...

But it's great, isn't it?

An yes, of course I know that it hasn't all started with 50-year-olds. Many of the 60 and 70-year-olds have been setting us a wonderfully irresponsible example for some time now. Get the kids up and away, pay off the mortgage and run away from home. Saga louts rule OK.

But it's great for everyone really. Because it means that maybe for the first time we are judging people on their character and not their age. We are gradually losing our mental strait-jackets. It bodes well.

There is, however, a small fly in the ointment. Other research this week showed that over-40s are considered too old in vast areas of the job market. Maybe that's because society is ageist. Maybe it just means that boring youngsters can't cope with older, independent, rebellious, non-conformist free spirits in the work place.

Well, to quote The Who again: "Why don't you all f-f-f-fade away..."

BRILLIANT idea by the head of the Roman Catholic church in England and Wales to take 400 priests away to Butlins in Bognor for a few days. Don't know if they'll be tackling the karaoke down at the Swinging Shillelagh but it should be a break with a difference.

"A chance to share their views in a more relaxed environment," said a spokesmen for Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor.

It's certainly a wonderfully practical plan with a healthy dash of fresh thinking about it. Well, yes, but why stop with the Catholic church?

For start, Butlins would be an ideal place for all those political party conferences. The set speeches are more like end-of-the-pier turns anyway. Redcoats could run the fringe meetings and hot heads could cool off in the pool.

Instead of that great class distinction between the leaders in swish hotel suites and the backbenchers in back street bed and breakfast, they could all share chalets together, and queue at the family restaurant.

The problem would come with the politicians' talent contest. How many versions of "My Way" could we put up with?

PRINCE William is said to be unhappy at St Andrews. He's not making many friends, is unsettled and going home every weekend.

Which sounds totally normal to me. The unsettledness at least - it's still only just over a term, after all - but not the going home all the time.

Most students can't afford to go home every week. Neither have they a granny who happens to have given them a handy cottage on her estate to retreat to. No, most students have to stay at uni every weekend and make the most of it. And gradually, almost despite themselves, they find that they make friends, settle in and find their place in their new world.

That's what Prince Charles should encourage - gently - Prince William to do.

Then, if he's still miserable, then let the kid give up and try somewhere else. He won't be the first to have made the wrong choice and might settle better elsewhere.

Mind you, that would be a bit of a bummer for all those optimistic girls who applied to St Andrews just in the hopes of meeting him.

ONE of the cheering bits of news this week is that Dr David Starkey - TV historian and professional rude man of Radio 4 - has got a £4.5 million deal to bring history to the masses in a new TV series, £75,000 per programme.

It's cheering - even though I can't stand the man - because this means he gets more than either Cilla Black or Anne Robinson.

And when we are faced with television programmes getting dumber and dumber, that a serious historian can command more than the hostess of Blind Date reassures us that maybe things aren't quite as bad as we thought.

GREAT news. Dusting can be bad for things. The late, over-the-top Quentin Crisp used to maintain that after three years the dust didn't get any worse. Maybe. But not many of us are bold - or lazy - enough to put his theory to the test.

But now the National Trust, no less, is beginning to think along the same lines. Too much cleaning can be damaging to books, so staff at half the Trust's 156 stately home libraries have been told not to dust the shelves for three years.

Well, it if it's good enough for the National Trust.

CARAVANNERS are apparently planning an ad campaign to persuade us to love them, because they make a substantial contribution to rural economies. Yes, I'm sure they do. And I love them deeply for it. Until they're doing 30 miles an hour in front of me along a country road and never think to pull in for a moment to let a great long queue get past...

Published: Wednesday, March 6, 2002