Hornblower (ITV)
Resurrecting The Mammoth (C5)
Nobody said "aa-ha, me hearties" or danced a hornpipe on deck, but someone in Hornblower really did talk about splicing the mainbrace.
This was Captain David Warner, who clearly thought he was aboard the Bounty judging by his unreasonable Bligh-like behaviour.
In fact, poor Hornblower and his fellow officers were on the Renown in this latest TV adventure featuring C S Forester's heroic naval man.
The captain was clearly off his head from the moment they set sail. No wonder there was mutiny in the ranks with mutterings among officers below decks. Hardly surprising, as the captain ordered double rum rations for the men and not for them.
He laid on entertainment for the sailors too, ordering one sailor should receive a good whipping. "Another dozen and he'll coo like a dove," said Captain Warner, an eye-rolling seadog who made Long John Silver look like Nelson. Hornblower himself was put on continuous watch for 36 hours with the threat of being hung if he nodded off, a punishment on a par with being made to watch that new BBC Jasper Carrot comedy (allegedly) over and over again.
The final straw came when the captain, newly revived from a coma by the ship's drunken doctor, caught Hornblower stark naked on deck, taking a shower. His excuse was he was hot, although the producers clearly thought a shot of star Ioan Gruffudd's naked bottom was required to keep female viewers happy.
We left Hornblower in jail awaiting trial for mutiny in this rollicking, old-fashioned adventure. We've seen it all before - cannon battles, floggings, grudge fights below decks, bloody amputations, even Mr Gruffudd's bum - but the production boasted high production values (courtesy of US money) and an all-male cast (Paul McGann, Philip Glenister and Nicholas Jones among them) doing their duty with stiff upper lips but keeping no tongue in cheek.
Resurrecting The Mammoth was a smashing yarn too, offering the sight of scientists using hairdryers to thaw out the frozen remains of a 20,000-year-old woolly mammoth. The documentary followed their efforts to discover whether these huge beasts, who became extinct 10,000 years ago, died out because of hunters, their environment or a virus.
Tusks and hair from the Jarkov mammoth, found in Siberia, gave DNA clues about age, sex and even its habitat. First, they had to unthaw the remains locked in a huge lump of ice. Hairdryers were best as they allowed scientists to melt the block a little at a time.
They were clearly overjoyed by the discovery. "It's like dying and going to heaven for a palaeontologist," said one.
Fans of the superb White House set-drama The West Wing have the same good feeling about the return of this US series. Nice to see Channel 4 giving it a decent time slot even if the trailer, like so many these days, gave away key plot developments.
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