Wildlife Uncovered: UK (C5)

The Truth About Gay Animals (C4)

A POINT was reached in Michael Dilger's search for the UK's weirdest animals when you wondered if the presenter wasn't a lot odder than anything found in the countryside.

He was sitting in the shadow of the nuclear power plant at Dungeness, eating a sandwich while a leech attached to his foot was, to use his words, "slurping away, guzzling its liquid lunch". He had applied the bloodsucking creature to himself to see how much the leech would swell after eating him for dinner. Twenty-nine minutes later, the bloated leech fell off his leg. The poor thing was hungry, which is hardly surprisingly as leeches only eat between one and four times every year. Little wonder they "drink" up to five times their own body weight in one sucking sitting.

Dilger, who has that slightly mad edge that distinguished David Bellamy's TV persona, was once bitten on the testicles by a leech, so this was demonstration of giving blood was easy-peasy. His other weird finds included glow worms - "nature's version of the Blackpool illuminations". They're not worms at all but flightless beetles. The lights are females flashing at the males, an action translated by Dilger as meaning: "Come and mate with me, I'm a virgin. I want to have beetle sex with you". You can see what I mean about him being a bit weird himself.

Like anyone would, comedian Scott Capurro thought the makers were joking when they asked him to present a programme about gay animals. How do you tell? Have you ever come across a limp-wristed poodle or a rat that likes listening to Judy Garland records? His investigation into same-sex animal behaviour began by meeting two elderly women who, over a nice cup of tea, talked about animals who rub themselves against each other. This is much the same thing that happens with humans during rush hour on crowded London Underground trains. But does "a bit of genitalia rubbing" count as being gay?, wondered Capurro. He discovered that homosexual behaviour has been documented in over 400 species of mammals, reptiles, birds and insects. Pygmy chimps, African buffalo and seagulls do it, although not all together. Capurro found Ann Perkins, who has been watching sheep have sex for 14 years. Her evidence included examination of sheep brains and a video of gay rams. "Is that legal in the state of Montana?," wondered Capurro (yes for animals but no for men, was the answer). His most frightening encounter was with a two-legged animal, Baroness Young, a former Tory minister who voted against lowering the age of consent for gay sex. He screened the video of copulating gay animals for her. She looked puzzled. "If I may say so, I don't quite see what the object of all this is?," she said, clearly wishing she was taking part in a David Attenborough nature programme.