Off to a flyer - but is Fazal's century the quickest ever?

Is it, wonders Marske scorer David Beach, the fastest ever - in balls faced - in North-East club cricket?

Marske were 62-2 in the NYSD League game with Darlington RA when Fahim strode out. His first 50 took 38 minutes from 25 balls, his century arrived in 59 minutes.

Fahim's eventual 122 included ten fours and 11 sixes, overshadowing a maiden century for opener Jonathon Wiltshire.

The 23-year-old Pakistani is clearly a bit of a biffer. He also played for Durham II at Tynemouth last week, forcing several spectators to move their cars to safety (says our man in the crash hat) during a quickfire 40-odd.

The Bearded Wonder, officially consulted, reckons that counting balls - as opposed to minutes - became the practice only after the war.

Against "genuine" bowling - the Wonder and his men properly frown upon declaration dross - the great Percy Fender smote a 35-minute century for Surrey against Northamptonshire in 1920, while Surrey batsman V F S Crawford hit 100 in 19 minutes in a club game in 1899. Australian test played David Hookes struck 100 in 34 balls for South Australia against Victoria in 1982-83, but even that slows against the efforts of his fellow Aussie Lindsay Martin.

In a club match on December 19 1987 Martin smashed a 20 ball ton - 13 sixes, five fours, two measly singles and not so much as a dot ball.

David Beach also recalls a Cleveland League match between Marske and Ashmores in 1952, Marske 24-5 in reply to Ashmores 154 when Ted Wilson joined Albert Wood.

Twenty one minutes later, Wood had added six - and played his part admirably, they reckon - when Wilson reached three figures. It included eight fours and nine sixes, one of which broke a fieldsman's finger before crashing into the sight screen.

"Everything on that sports field stopped, bowls, tennis the lot," records Marske's centenary history.

For the moment, however, we're talking balls. Any advance, or reduction, on 46?

At precisely 5.08pm on Saturday, when the Premiership had been tucked up for another season, the FA Carlsberg Vase final at last awoke.

Steve Cuggy turned Wayne Houghton - so scared of water that he'd had to be hypnotised before catching the Isle of Wight ferry - crossed hard to Ian Chandler who, in front of his man, headed high and home.

Whitley Bay 1 Tiptree United 0. The Jam Makers' luck had eventually run out.

The match was at Villa Park - lovely ground, nice bit of lunch, Bedlington Terriers, curiously, on both the programme and the menu cover.

"We're going to charge the FA," said Shaun Campbell, the Terriers' secretary.

The Birmingham Evening Mail had advertised a 16 page big match special, which proved to be on the first division play-off final the following day. The Vase merited six lines and there wasn't, in truth, much more to write home about.

The first half was so tedious - a whole new bored game - that Mrs Gerry Mileson, wife of the Albany Group chairman, fell asleep on her husband's munificent shoulder.

"I've had more fun at a church jumble sale," observed the Rev Leo Osborne, the Northern League chaplain.

The second half briefly stirred when Whitley Bay were awarded a 54th minute penalty but Mr Andy Bowes, who'd never missed one in his life, shot so languidly that the Essex goalkeeper was able to land upon it as if wafted by a misspent zephyr.

Still, it ended well - a fourth Northern League final and a second victory in the present chairman's six year incumbency. The most memorable, occurrence, however, may have been on the train going down - but more of that in the Gadfly column tomorrow.

Ferryhill Athletic, among the North-East's best known amateur football clubs, are now perilously close to extinction.

"I need help by May 25. If nothing's forthcoming we're finished," says Norman Bellwood, the club's chairman, secretary and very much else.

From happier times, he's also sent a bundle of facsimile programmes - 5,200 overflowing the old Darlington Road ground for the 1957 Amateur Cup tie with Hayes, twopence for the programme, 1/6d a season to join the supporters' club. There were games with Barnet, Hichin and Kingstonian, amber and black local heroes like Roly Robinson, Ronnie Heslington, Eric Joyce, Bobby Kilcran and Harry Bell, Northern League tiles in 1937, 1948 and 1958.

"One of the best footballing sides in the North-East," commented Hitchin's programme.

They left the now flattened Darlington Road ground in 1996 and the Northern League the following season. The re-formed club, officially Ferryhill Athletic 1998, have finished bottom of the Wearside League despite a quick thrill at the start of the season when they lead after two matches.

Another Backtrack column appeal had brought ten people to a public meeting last summer but like the seed that fell upon stony ground, most scattered swiftly in autumn wind.

Now it's left to Norman (who lives in Bishop Auckland) and one other volunteer, among the more onerous jobs the roping off of Dean Bank rec to meet league requirements. "It's not really suitable for the Northern League but it's all we have," says Norman.

For that and other reasons, the ambers are fast approaching the final red light. "It would be terribly sad, but we just can't carry on like this," says Norman. "We particularly need a secretary."

He's on 01388 451065 or 07866 486341 after 7pm - but May 25 is the deadline.

Last Tuesday's column pondered the origin of the term "derby", as (for example) in Sunderland v Newcastle. It has no direct connection to the east Midlands city of that name, rather to the sporting Earl of Derby.

The Earl founded the great flat race in 1780, an event so successful that in 1909 the Daily Chronicle was even reporting on the 29th Medway barge sailing match - "known locally as the barge derby."

A derby is not by definition local, however - "it applies to any important sporting contest," confirms the Oxford English Dictionary.

Darby and Joan, of course, are a different pair of etymological old codgers altogether.

And finally...

The Football League team once known as the Black Arabs (Backtrack, May 10) was Bristol Rovers. Something to do with the colour of their shirts, apparently. Brian Shaw in Shildon today invites the names of the five different clubs for whom Peter Shilton played whilst winning 125 international caps.

The column was also in Shildon last night at what seems likely to have been the last ever match - after 110 years - under the auspices of the Auckland and District League.

More of that sad occasion next time.

Published 14/05/2002