THOSE of us fortunate to be on the North-East political circuit enjoyed the presence of Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott last week as he toured the region promoting regional government, full of his usual pugnacious charm.

In Newcastle, he denied that elected regional assemblies would contribute to the break-up of the United Kingdom because a greater mixture held the parts together.

"I'm Welsh by birth, although that didn't help me in Rhyl recently," he said, referring to the most interesting incident in the last General Election campaign.

Mr Prescott can be violent verbally, as well as physically. He is said to have unleashed a vicious sideswipe when asked about the mayoral shenanigans in Peter Mandelson's patch. He replied: "I see Hartlepool is represented by two monkeys now."

Best of all, though, is his endearing habit of tumbling over his words. When speaking of some of the quangos that would not come under the regional assembly's control, he mentioned "Her Majesty's Customs and Exercise".

Immediately visions sprang to mind of the Queen, stabled on the Royal Train in a siding in Darlington, dressed in her leotard, with sweatbands around her wrists, using a dumbell to flex her arm muscles as Her Majesty undertook her customary exercise.

EVERYONE knows that an anagram of Tony Blair MP is "I'm Tory Plan B". But if you rearrange the letters of the Prime Minister's name, you arrive at the nub of his transport policy: "Not by rail".

SO let's get down to the nitty gritty. The Metropolitan Police have apparently banned this phrase in the belief that it refers to the debris left at the bottom of slave ships when all the live slaves have been removed.

However, it was first used by US Black Power leaders in the early 1960s, popularised by actor Steve McQueen and, in 1963, was the title of a pop song by Shirley Ellis when "the nitty gritty" was the name of a trendy new dance.

Rather than having racist overtones from centuries gone by, it appears that the phrase originated in poor black communities in the 1950s in America. Many were not supplied with running water and so "gritty nits" resisted all efforts to remove them.

WITH football taking over the world - even Conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith was spotted playing on the left-wing of a five-a-side match this week - it is worth pointing out that the injuries to Steven Gerrard and Kieron Dyer are probably a good thing.

Gerrard's groin robs England of one of our two genuinely world class players - the other, of course, being David Beckham.

Dyer's knee robs England of one of our two genuinely exciting young players - the other being West Ham's Joe Cole.

Perhaps now we can sit back, think of England and enjoy the rest of the competition because, together, the injuries should rob us of the silly expectation, that always takes hold of the nation prior to kick-off, that we are going to win the tournament.

A pessimist is never disappointed.