Murder In Mind (BBC1)

Wildlife On One (BBC1)

ANYONE who's tried to fight their way through the bureaucracy of a big bank will sympathise with the plight of Ken Grendle in Regrets, the latest story in this occasional series.

His businessman had a cash flow problem, resulting in the bank threatening to call in his overdraft. He spent days trying to talk to a human, failing to break through engaged signals, recorded messages and irritating background music.

He called at the bank in person. Feckless youth Perry, hiding behind his security screen, wasn't much help. No, he couldn't see the manager. The person he needed to see was an assistant senior care advisor. But he couldn't see her as she was attending a customer interface symposium.

You could only side with Ken as he called banks unreasonable and inflexible, especially as they imposed extortionate fees and charges which only plunged him even deeper into debt. When they lost a £40,000 credit payment, he flipped - although kidnapping the bank's chairman Brian Balfour, holding him prisoner and torturing him may seem a little extreme. He certainly got Balfour's attention by suspending the money man over a pool of acid.

You could see the twist in the tail coming a mile off, but Dennis Waterman had a fine old time channelling his anger on behalf of everyone who's had a brush with a big company.

Another way of attracting Balfour's attention would have been to put a gecko down his trousers. Wildlife On One's Space-Age Reptiles attempted to find out why these are the world's most cling-on creatures. They run up walls faster than Spider-Man. If, David Attenborough suggested, scientists could find out how geckos scale such impossibly smooth surfaces, then science fiction could become science fact.

Their sticky feet give them a phenomenal grip. One foot's sticky power is enough to support the weight of a child. The secret is that each foot is covered in half a million hairs, each with more than a billion split ends. These create intermolecular forces that give them their grip. "Not so much magnetism, more like a molecular embrace," said Attenborough.

Geckos like the bright lights. That's why they do well in tropical cities like Bangkok. By day, they hide themselves away. By night, their lives hot up because insects drawn to bright lights are their food. "The bulbs may hang from the ceiling but then so do the geckos," noted Attenborough.

Striking a balance

Gangstars, Gala Theatre, Durham

BALANCING acts is the order of the day at the Gala these days, so a visit from Britain's newest circus talent, The Generating Company, is not entirely inappropriate.

Probably the best thing that came out of the ill-fated Millennium Dome, director Sean Kempton's team has moved on to create Barnum and Bailey-style thrills and spills. With a nod in the direction of Annie and RKO Radio City Music Hall, we are plunged into the 1930s world of New York gangland. Ed Gaughan's musical dexterity and mimicry sets the scene for a mime show where fist fights become tumbling contests and two people on a trapeze intertwine like lovers.

This particular double act is the muscular Tim Claydon as bad guy Mac and Michaela O'Connor as his gangster's moll Sammy Hines. Jerome Beale is Irish immigrant hero Fergus Wills who arrives from Scotlandshire in the hope of marrying Garbo. Instead, his knockabout act and comical battered suitcase attract dockland chancer Mable Swipe (Melissa Ilsley). The pair become involved in a battle of wits with Mac and his gang over some stolen cash. Muscular John Brady, hat-juggling Ian Marchant and the amusing antics of Mark Rowley and Aaron Walker earn ripples of applause as they switch between sideshow and centrestage. The show is strangely enthralling although Gaughan's radio mike rhetoric could have done with some visual support at times. Spit, sawdust and a saccharine ending.

Viv Hardwick

* Gangstars runs until Saturday. Evenings at 7.30, Weds and Sat Matinee at 2.30pm. Tickets: £12.50-£15. Box Office: (0191) 332 4041

Story of old glory

Five Blue Haired Ladies Sitting on a Green Park Bench, Theatre Royal, Newcastle

WHOEVER said that old people have nothing to say, sure never sat on this bench!" says one of the eponymous characters in John A Penzotti's affectionate look at five ladies of a certain age. There are some very familiar faces in this production, although you may not recognise them in their wrinkly make-up.

Shirley Anne Field is delightfully dotty Anna, who can't resist trying out a discarded scooter. "I think I found a cure for Alzeheimer's," she says gleefully, "My whole life flashed before my eyes!"

Ruth Madoc, who made the role of Gladys Pugh her own in the TV comedy series Hi-de-Hi!, plays another, very different Gladys, resisting her husband's insistence that they both vegetate in a retirement home.

Neighbours star Anne Charleston as self-possessed Rose and Jean Fergusson (Last of the Summer Wine) as strident Eva are both regretfully childless, although for different reasons. Miquel Brown plays La La, a former jazz singer who lives in the past and tells some outrageous stories featuring the likes of Harry Belafonte. The players are all consummate professionals, a delight to watch. The play is a mixture of pathos and comedy, with a few surprises thrown in - like life itself, I suppose. A heartwarming and pleasurable evening, as demonstrated by the cheers that greeted the five ladies as they took their bow.

Sue Heath

Five Blue-Haired Ladies runs until Saturday. Evenings 7.30, Thurs matinee 2pm, Sat matinee 2.30pm. Tickets: £8.50-£19.50. Box Office: (0870) 905 5060