Many lesbian and gay couples face harassment and abuse as a daily fact of life. Nick Morrison meets one couple determined not to let the hate destroy their relationship.

THE first thing Kirsty did when she moved into her new house was look for suitable places to put her cameras. She had three at her previous home, keeping watch for the people who were trying to make life a misery for her and her partner Sam.

In the end, she has decided not to install the CCTV, at least not yet. It may be a triumph of hope over experience, but Kirsty believes there is a good chance she won't be driven from her home this time. She is hoping that now she will be able to relax, to sleep without waiting for the next attack, to go out without worrying what is happening to the house in her absence.

The couple have been subjected to almost constant harassment. They have been abused in the street, their home has been vandalised, and Sam has twice been attacked and once shot at with an air rifle when she was walking her five-year-old daughter home from school, and all because they are gay.

"The main thing in my head as soon as we got here was 'I have got to set the cameras up,' but Sam said no, it will be alright here," Kirsty says. "They do make you feel a little bit safer, but all you can hear is continuous whirring. You shouldn't have to live like that.

"We couldn't go out on a night and enjoy ourselves because I was constantly worrying, and my health was shot to pieces. We were living in fear. On a night time people sit down and relax, but we were worried something would come through the window. It was unbelievably stressful and it was no quality of life."

Last year Kirsty, 30, was diagnosed with cervical cancer, which she believes was brought on by the stress of being the victim of a hate campaign. Although she was successfully treated, it will be five years before she can be given the all-clear.

It is only now they have moved to a house near Kirsty's parents in Darlington, where friends in the street offer some protection, that they believe things might improve. And if they do, it will bring to an end a four-year ordeal, which has seen them forced to move house three times.

The first six months after they got together, everything seemed to be going very smoothly. Sadly, it proved not to be a foretaste of things to come.

They were living in Leeming Bar in North Yorkshire, but started to suffer at the hands of a relative of Sam's who lived in the flat above. Plagued by constant loud music, silent phone calls and abuse every time the relative walked past the door, Kirsty and Sam decided to move out after a couple of months. It was only then they realised that what they had suffered in Leeming Bar was mild compared to what was to come.

They moved into a house in Edgemoor Road on the Firth Moor estate in Darlington, and almost immediately Sam became a target.

Kirsty says: "I would go out and they would put milk bottles on the door handle and then knock on the door, so when Sam opened it the bottles would smash. Every time Sam got off the bus she was in fear, because they would hang around and hurl abuse - 'dyke, lesbian, carpet muncher', the usual abuse you get off kids.

"They would pick on her because she is small and they think she won't answer back. It just wears you down, day after day, the same shit."

On one occasion when Kirsty was out, their tormentors, mostly boys of around 15 or 16, tried to force their way into the house when Sam answered the door.

"They were just shouting 'Get in the house' but I managed to get the front door shut and pulled the lock across," says Sam, 24. "They were pressed up against the window and shouting 'We're going to get you.' The police came and warned them, but it didn't stop them."

After six months, they decided enough was enough and moved in with Kirsty's parents where, apart from eggs being thrown at the windows, they were largely left alone. But eventually the overcrowding became too much and they moved to a house in Shelley Road in Darlington.

"We had a couple of weeks of quiet and then it just kicked off," says Sam.

"There was a family who lived over the road, and they were just constantly shouting 'dyke or lesbian or lezzie'," adds Kirsty. "I got it rarely, but Sam got it every time she went out."

It did not take long for Sam to become too scared to go out on her own. Even going to the shop she went with a neighbour for protection; cutting the grass or washing the windows became an almost unbearable torment.

"The first couple of times you can just forget about it, you let it go over your head and think it is just kids," she says. "But the more it happens, the more it upsets you and makes you angry."

On one occasion, Sam had just passed a group of lads when she was hit in the back by a brick. On another, she was walking her daughter home from school when two boys fired an air rifle at them, the bullet hitting a fence just in front of them.

Kirsty admits the campaign of hate put a strain on their relationship, with her feeling of being unable to protect her partner giving her an almost constant bad temper. The police were regular visitors to their home, and both Kirsty and Sam are full of praise for their actions, but, despite warnings to the perpetrators, the abuse continued. In March this year, their house was vandalised, with phallic symbols and graffiti daubed on the walls and windows. But, far from destroying their spirit, it made them more determined to stay put. They decided to highlight their plight, and contacted The Northern Echo and local radio and television stations. This did have the effect of creating a lull in the abuse, but a few weeks later it started again, only this time it took a turn for the worse.

As Sam walked home after dropping her daughter off at school, she was approached by a man who pushed her, sending her sprawling, before kicking her as she lay on the ground. This was the final straw.

'We just couldn't take it any more," says Sam. "Before, we were determined to keep going, but when something like that happens you think 'What is the point?' You can't live your life like that."

Days after the attack, Kirsty and Sam moved out. "At the end of the day they have pushed us out. We had brilliant neighbours either side and the house was lovely, but we couldn't stay any longer."

After they had publicised their problems, the couple learned from other gay friends that they too had suffered years of harassment, often putting up with it for fear of making it worse. But victims of homophobia are becoming increasingly confident about coming forward, according to Inspector Neil Malkin, community safety officer at Durham Police.

He says the force had just over 80 reported homophobic incidents last year, mainly verbal abuse and harassment, although the number of physical attacks is still small. But he acknowledges that many incidents are still going unreported.

"There is still this hidden element in this type of incident, maybe through lack of confidence, maybe a perception that they might not be treated seriously, or they are concerned that people will identify them.

"But we have been trying to work with the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, and we are starting to get more and more people having the confidence to come and report things.

"They can feel intimidated and somewhat isolated, and some people are living in fear, so it is about us getting into the community and working with them. I think we have come an awful long way in recent years," he says.

For Kirsty and Sam, their new home has given them the chance to be free from harassment, a peace which, so far, seems to be holding. But there is no doubting their bitterness at those who have forced them out of three homes.

"I used to say to them 'What is their problem? We're a gay couple, so what?' But their argument was that we were a bunch of lesbians living over the road," Kirsty says. "It is just ignorance, they haven't got the common sense to see that it is part of normal life. I pity them. We're not doing anything wrong - we're just a gay couple."

Kirsty is offering to use her experience to provide support for other victims of homophobic abuse. She can be contacted via email on rohodiablon@tlworld.com