On the day that the A-level results came cheerfully, tearfully, to light, the column found itself at the University of Warwick in search of further education.

Warwick University is, in fact, on the immodest skirts of Coventry and before anyone else observes that it's about time we were sent there, a short course in etymology seems in order.

No one knows how the phrase "sent to Coventry" snuck in through the English language's ill-guarded back door - "the subject of numerous ingenious conjectures", says the Oxford English Dictionary.

("Boycott" is much more straightforward, a reference to a 19th century Irish landowner and not, however surprisingly, to a 20th century Yorkshire cricketer.)

Coventry's most likely explanation, however, is with the practice of the "generally wicked" folk of Birmingham of sending Royalist prisoners to be dealt with by the Parliamentarians of Coventry during the Civil War.

The phrase certainly appeared in the 1765 club book of the Tarporley Hunt, also in Warwickshire. "Mr John Barry, having sent the Fox and Hounds to a different place to where was ordered....was sent to Coventry but return'd upon giving six bottles of claret to the Hunt."

The gathering at Scarman House, University of Warwick, was the latest in the FA's non-league restructuring roadshow which in the past year has driven us to Stevenage, Ilkeston, Fleet, Emley, Birmingham and to Distraction.

The lesson, at least so far as the Albany Northern League is concerned, is that it can take an awful lot of miles to get nowhere whatsoever.

When talk turned from moving the goal posts to surfing the Net, therefore, we were particularly grateful for a comment from Mr Geoff Wilkinson, Preston-based secretary of the North-West Counties League.

"Don't give me all that www stuff," said the admirable Mr Wilkinson. "Where I come from, www stands for Walcott, Worrall and Weekes."

As doubtless they say in Scarman House, you learn something every day.

Early kick-off, the Northern League season began the following evening - Hebburn v South Shields on a hot 'un.

Much the best story kicking about the place - better still because we confirmed its veracity - concerns the Inland Revenue's visit last week to a club in the Northern League second division.

Many clubs still insist that they don't pay players, merely reimburse expenses. The inspector, or whatever the Revenue men are now called, was therefore puzzled about the bit in the books referring to two brothers, both still living with their parents.

Not only were both given travelling expenses, but one appeared to take a much more lucrative route than the other.

Why asked, the inspector, should it be?

"Because one's a much better player," replied the club chairman, before realising the impetuosity of his ways.

The taxman, happily, was of the new and improved variety. "I suggest," he said, "that you might wish to reconsider your answer...."

Inevitably also in Hebburn - snatches of song may be inserted here - was Hartlepool postman John Dawson, looking more chipper than ever.

John, of course, is King of the Ground Hoppers, a man who will travel anywhere in Britain to watch a match on a properly enclosed ground.

His latest new club is Teesside Arriva, who kicked off in the Teesside League on Saturday, and it's not even a bus ride away.

A ground hopper's dream, their new home has been developed directly over the road from John's house.

The following afternoon to Eppleton v Evenwood Town, they whose new management team has more degrees, certificates and sports science qualifications than most of Warwick University put together.

Eppleton, Hetton-le-Hole based, have also been exploring an interesting managerial appointment - 57-year-old Gerry Sweeney who made over 400 Football League appearances for Bristol City and a dozen for York City before returning to his native Glasgow.

Sweeney, a little belatedly, is anxious to break into management. "He'd been told the Northern League was a good place to start," said Eppleton secretary John Tweddle.

"He's been down from Scotland to see us but he'll need a full-time job in the North-East first."

Appliance of science notwithstanding, Evenwood lost 1-0 - if not quite back to the laboratory, then at least back to the text book.

"Hell," said academically replete team manager Ken Houlahan, "you're going to have to do something about these referees."

Since today's column clearly represents a learning curve, we are grateful to Darlington's programme on Saturday for an explanation of shortages in the club shop: "New stock is taking longer than expected for the suppliers to have ready on time."

Dr Graeme Forster, a sometimes vociferous football manager whose PhD is in metallurgy not medicine, took his Tow Law team to Newcastle Blue Star on Saturday.

Blue Star's ground is next to Newcastle Airport. Referee Dave Roberts, as Friday's column reported, piloted his assistants in his four-seat Cessna Cardinal from Teesside.

"Graeme decided to call me a well known German World War II aircraft," says Dave, Sky Sports man in the North-East.

"I let him have his little joke the once."

Proceedings were largely uneventful, though Tow Law centre forward Andy McKenna was booked for diving - Sky diving, perhaps.

On the return ("a bit of a joy ride," says Dave) they flew over the homes of assistant refs Graham Leatherland and Andy Hodgson, forewarned families waving like billy-oh in the gardens.

"Andy filmed the whole thing on his camcorder. He was just like a Japanese tourist," adds the referee.

Back down to earth. Blue Star lost 5-2. "A runway victory," says the learned Dr Forster.

... and finally

The Scottish homes of soccer sought in Friday's column are Falkirk (East Stirlingshire), Kirkcaldy (Raith Rovers) and Coatbridge (Albion Rovers).

Still with higher education, readers may today care to name the former England player who is now director of cricket at Durham University.

The university of life reconvenes three days from now.

Published: 20/08/2002