I don't believe it! According to the MORI Social Research Institute I belong to the Grumpy Generation, otherwise known as Meldrews in honour of the late, lamented Victor.

Apparently 35 to 54-year-olds are exceedingly hacked off - about life, the NHS, education, politics and anything you care to name.

Well no, actually, not all of us.

Granted, our pensions are worthless, chunks of our cash go on private healthcare - out of desperation rather than conviction - and the thought of university bills for our children could make us weep gently into our worthless endowment policies.

And, of course, we have little time for politicians. Half of them are younger than us. We remember them as students and know them too well.

But apart from that, life isn't that bad - especially for the older Meldrews, so maybe we should stop whingeing.

We've had life easy, no major wars to fight, fewer real hardships to face, not so many rules to put up with plus the benefits of central heating, hot water and ring pull cans. Even our sex lives were post-Pill but pre-Aids.

Best of all - we have a future. Even a generation ago, once you got to 55, life was definitely on the downhill slope - pipe, slippers and tight perms. Now it's the over 55s who are the happiest with their lot, says MORI - that's the generation that are enjoying better health, greater freedom and a host of opportunities never know before.

And in a few years' time, it should be ours, all ours too.

The world's our lobster, supermarket shelves groan with drinkable wine and tumble dryers have replaced the dripping clothes horse.

Sounds good to me. Forget Victor Meldrew. Maybe I'm just Pollyanna.

AS soon as her baby daughter is weaned, Amina Lawal will be stoned to death. She will be buried up to her neck and then people will throw rocks at her until she is dead. Some people like to use smaller stones because it takes longer.

An Islamic court in northern Nigeria pronounced the sentence because Amina committed adultery. She was divorced at the time and the law against adultery didn't exist.

It takes two to tango, but the father of her child, has, of course, escaped scot free.

And why, in this barbaric tale, is that the least surprising fact?

SO Euan Blair didn't get into Oxford and is off to Bristol instead. Lucky him. It's a much nicer place.

He'll be in good company too. In my days as a student at Bristol, virtually everyone I knew was, like me, an Oxbridge reject - and proud of it. Also I only knew two other people who went to state schools. Though I don't know whether the London Oratory strictly counts.

But it's a great place for drinking, sports, theatre, galleries, music and food.

And he might even learn a bit of Ancient History too.

A BLEACH company has brought out a "limited edition" fragrance.

Limited edition loo cleaner... Hyacinth Bouquet would love it.

The rest of us might just stick to the smell of bleach.

Published: ??/??/2002