ROMEO, Romeo, wherefore art thy parents' brains, Romeo?

In an era when teachers are chastised for referring to pupils as wimps, what chance have the England football captain's offspring of growing up as anything but big girls' blouses?

It would be nice to think the Beckham boys had one pair of shoes between them, as might have happened in the days when the Busby Babes cycled to Old Trafford. But Brooklyn alone probably has a dozen pairs for every day of the week.

The only hope is that Romeo will have the mickey taken out of him so much at school that regular playground fights will toughen him up.

Bookies are offering 250-1 on Romeo playing for England, but by the time he's old enough will there be an England? Or will the national team have been scrapped because the managers of the three elite clubs who would supply all the players constantly wrap them in cotton wool?

Sven was said to be gobsmacked this week when he went to Old Trafford and saw Paul Scholes playing against Middlesbrough, despite Fergie saying he's not fit for England.

Nor is Beckham (David, not Romeo). It seems Fergie will decide if and when his players turn out for England, while his club captain will have an operation to evade the suspensions heading his way.

According to the Sun, the timing of Roy Keane's operation stinks. I know this only because there must have been some subordination in our house this week as the Sun is not normally allowed to sully our premises.

I think it stinks that the Sun pretends to be a moral guardian, when it plays a leading role in the dumbing down which spawns so many of football's ills and encourages the obsession surrounding them.

Keane isn't worth a light. We should ignore him in the hope that he will go away.

HOW sad that, increasingly at this time of year, struggling village cricket clubs cannot raise a team because some of their players are season ticket holders at football clubs.

Matches are conceded on gloriously sunny Saturdays like last week's, leaving those poor souls who really want to play without a game.

Why not just concede the points, go along with five or six players, borrow a couple from the opposition and have a game anyway?

It is always tempting to say that village cricket represents all that's best about sport, providing fresh air and exercise in a relaxed setting, while still allowing for a competitive edge. But increasingly we hear of nastiness, reflecting the era of rage so graphically typified by Keane.

POOR old Sport England has found itself caught between a rock and a hard place in the Wembley fiasco, in which it is impossible to find the perfect solution.

Sport England recently took me to task for suggesting they had cut their funding to athletes after the Commonwealth Games.

They invested £165m from their lottery fund in the facilities at Manchester, they said, plus £3.5m specifically to boost Team England's chances of securing a record number of medals, which was achieved.

A misunderstanding arose because the Commonwealth Games Council for England, who funded team managers' programmes and athlete familiarisation sessions, said they would require around £2.5m for the Melbourne 2006 Games. This figure was widely compared with the £3.5m invested by Sport England, giving the impression they were cutting their investment for Melbourne by £1m.

They stress they do not have any intention of making any cuts, which is good news from a body who must have questioned the wisdom of awarding £120m towards the rebuilding of Wembley.

It was a condition of that grant that 75,000 seats would be available to the general public, but that target seems unlikely to be met, partly because 19,000 seats will be pre-sold to premium customers and corporate hospitality.

Also the installation of a retractable athletics track, at one time removed from the plans despite being favoured by Sport England, will significantly reduce the amount of seating.

Of course, there may not be took many occasions when the track needs to be in place during a football match, but it all adds to the ludicrously prolonged debate.

In a month's time it will be three years since the last match at Wembley, and the bulldozers have still not moved in.

COMPARED with football folk, I was hugely impressed on meeting Marcus Trescothick this week with his openness and honesty. He confessed that playing on slow pitches in the C & G final and against Durham at the Riverside was not sufficient to be sure he was fit for the Test.

He added that regaining his concentration was the hardest part, and he must have been kicking himself when it let him down after a great start yesterday.