REMEMBER Michael Portillo? Of course you do. He and Kenneth Clarke were the Tory 'big hitters' who somehow found themselves floored by the weakling Iain Duncan Smith - William Hague without the wit - in last year's knock-out for the Tory leadership.

A former Defence Secretary, Mr Portillo is also well remembered by the British arms' contractor BAE Systems, the world's second largest defence supplier, to whom he awarded a valuable clutch of contracts, chiefly for the Eurofighter plane. But naturally, that has played no part in securing for Mr Portillo a seat on the board of BAE, at a reported fee of £36,000, earned by attending the monthly board meeting.

Equally naturally, Mr Portillo remains MP for Kensington and Chelsea, the very safe seat he was glad to accept in a byelection following his memorable defeat in the General Election of 1997.

Any hope that New Labour would end the practice of MPs taking outside jobs evaporated long ago. No doubt those best placed to end the abuse expect to benefit from it in their turn. But the very least that should happen is that MPs with paid outside interests should not only have to declare them, as at present, but be obliged to log the time they spend on them. If this coincides with Parliament in session, an amount equivalent to what they have earned will be lopped from their MP's salary.

Of course, to be effective, these disclosures would require absolute honesty from our MPs. Mr Portillo, I am sure, would set a fine example.

ALREADY 'invited' to resign from the MCC, Lord Archer could also be expelled from the House of Lords. So, at last, some real punishment is being meted out to the liar and perjurer, who not only drives himself to and from work on weekdays, calling at a chippy if he feels peckish, but spends Sundays at home, where he recently co-hosted a charity event with his wife. All of which, I am confident, will surface at the Tory party conference, underpinning the usual baying for the blood of 'mollycoddled' criminals.

TALKING of which, Home Secretary David Blunkett yesterday pledged to get more policemen from behind their desks and on to the beat. To my knowledge, efforts to get deskbound police back on the beat span at least the last three decades. It must be that every time a policeman is prised from his desk, another pops up.

OVER at least two of those three decades this column has urged much tighter controls on airguns. In the context of the recent deaths of a 14-year-old boy on Teesside and a 36-year-old woman in Hull, suffice to say this: if either of these victims had been a Royal, and had merely been mildy injured, draconian controls on airguns would now be in place.

ARE you impressed that Prince Harry's coat of arms features 'small red escallops' (whatever they are), and collars that are 'usually in the arms of the sovereign's children or eldest son of the Prince of Wales'? Don't all coats of arms look alike? More significant could be the absence of a motto. Throughout Harry's life this might be taken as symbolising his lack of a real role.