Just three years after barely stirring the flags in the Durham County League, Gareth Breese made his Test debut for the West Indies last week.

Breese, born in Montego Bay in 1976, was professional in 1999 for the village team at Etherley, near Bishop Auckland. "Let's just say that he didn't appear a world beater," says club chairman John Baker.

"He played one cracking good innings which won us a cup tie, but otherwise we thought he could have done a bit better."

After the second Test in Madras, a fair hike from Mainsforth, the West Indies probably think much the same.

After his departure, Etherley decided against employing any other overseas professionals - "they were costing too much money," says the chairman.

Principally an off-spinner, Breese batted number eight against India, scoring just five in the first innings and a duck in the second. He claimed 2-108 off 26 overs in the first and 0-27 from five in the second. India won by eight wickets.

His whirlwind elevation from Durham County League to Test cricket follows a trend set by neighbours Evenwood, where three recent pro's - Nixon MacLean and Clinton Roberts of the West Indies and H H Kantikar of India - have gone on to play in Tests.

In Evenwood's case, of course, they were taught all they know by Bulldog Billy Teesdale. John Baker is more circumspect: "We just hope he learned something," he says.

Though the standard may be a little different, our old friend Brent "Bomber" Smith's 63 wickets at 5.52 for Stafford Place last season makes explosive reading - not least because after the first two games he'd claimed 1-87.

Lest it be assumed that Saturday night's club presentations were only about Bomber, however, it can also be revealed that his team-mate Gordon Atkinson was playing darts in the Golden Lion in Osmotherley when Ms Brigitte Nielsen walked in.

"Mind, she's a big lass," said Gordon, though as much may long have been self-evident.

Stafford Place play in Thornaby, formed 99 years ago at a pottery of the same name and expecting an MCC XI to mark the centenary. Originally they were Stafford Place Wesleyan Cricket Club; though the Christian ethos may be less apparent, they remain good lads, nonetheless.

Bomber, now 50 and familiar throughout North-East club cricket, is a talkative all-rounder who also runs one of the club's two websites.

"Bomber includes more personal detail than Ulrika Jonsson," someone said.

"I used to think 'loquacious' meant 'extremely fast'," said Bomber.

Among 13 trophies, he won the Saturday batting and bowling awards - in the Langbaurgh League - and the midweek league bowling award. Gary Sexton, averaging 90, won the batting by a country mile.

Our man also took the Langbaurgh League bowling award, though almost everything else went to Kirby Sigston, a hamlet near Northallerton where there may barely be 11 able-bodied men.

Kirby's Kevin Clarkson, known as Bugsy, also became the first man in league history to take 100 wickets - 103 at 7.3.

To some surprise, principally his own, Bomber failed to take Stafford's player of the year nomination, however. It went to Mally Graves, who also won the inscribed non-stick frying pan for most dropped catches.

In Ms Nielsen's sad absence, the column, statuesquely, did the honours. The in Place last Saturday.

The previous evening to Shildon FC's sportsmen's dinner, eaten in the absence of the team - due at Cammell Laird in a crucial FA Vase tie the following afternoon.

George Reynolds had loaned Darlington's team coach - "a magnificent gesture" said Shildon chairman Gordon Hampton - so that the boys would be tucked up in Birkenhead before you could say "Gentlemen, you may smoke."

"We're leaving nothing to chance this time," Mr Hampton added.

Roger de Courcey, the Roger Tames lookalike with a hand in Nooky Bear's affairs, recalled an earlier North-East visit when he'd got lost in Easington Colliery and after several sorties down Seaside Lane finally asked directions to the workmen's club.

"Turn left by the Rialto Cinema," someone said.

Roger drove back up the village, turned around and was heading back down the hill when the same chap leaped into the road, arms waving.

"You're not from around here, are you?" he asked.

"No actually," said Roger, accent as broad as his native Clapham Common.

"In that case," said his guide, "the Rialto's been shut 15 years. It's a carpet warehouse now."

Shildon, sadly, also lost their way, going out 4-1. Where there's a Wirral, there's a won't.

Just published, big Niall Quinn's honest autobiography reveals that when Tony Adams hit the bottle, Quinny - then with Arsenal - was only a couple of drops behind.

After a two-day bender, both crashed at Quinn's flat in Enfield. The next morning, Adams announced that there was good news and bad.

The bad was that he'd wet the bed, the good - he said - that Quinn was going to make money out of it.

He signed the sheet "All the best, Tony Adams" and stumbled uncertainly off to training.

Little big time, former England mascot Ken Bailey - featured recently hereabouts - was also the subject of at least two Subutteo models. (You can tell there were two, because the rattle changes hands.)

As John Briggs in Darlington points out, one of the Subutteo figures is presently listed on an Internet auction site. The British bulldog stands at one and a half inches, and at £5.50.

Two pips on his shoulder, football-mad police inspector Ray Morton reports a marked upturn in the fortunes of SIFC, a team of asylum seekers from Stockton.

Wearing the UN colours of white and light blue, they lost their first game 15-0 but were drawing 3-3 against top of the table Poverina, from Ormesby, until beaten by a "dubious" late penalty in the next.

Ray, vice-chairman of the Over 40s League, forecasts happy landings. "I feel a great story coming on," he says.

Last Tuesday's note on the 50th anniversary of Billingham Synthonia's floodlights - Sunday November 10, 4pm, against the RAF - stirred memories for familiar former Northern League centre half Arnold Alton.

There was the industrial smog which from time to time would envelop the ground, the opening in 1958 of the new Central Stadium - "firstly with an athletics meeting featuring all the top names of the day" - and a Synners' match against Bishop Auckland which he watched with his father.

Robson, the Synners' outside left, had broken his leg the previous season.

A female Billingham supporter volubly blamed a "very well known" Bishops' player for the injury.

"Probably bearing in mind that there weren't many women among the thousands who watched games in those days, my dad suggested she go back home to look after the bairns."

And finally...

The last Englishman to lead a team to FA Cup victory at Wembley (Backtrack, October 18) was Joe Royle, Everton 1 Manchester United 0, in 1995.

Brian Shaw in Shildon today seeks the identity of the player who scored Premiership goals for West Ham, Wimbledon, Arsenal and Coventry.

Published: 22/10/2002