Michael Gough, the fast- maturing Durham opening batsman, has been telling the column how he almost ended up playing football for the Arsenal instead.
As a 14-year-old, the versatile youngster played three Gunners trial matches in central defence - each time marking another Highbury hopeful called Michael Owen.
"I blanked him out of the game every time, he didn't get a kick," insists the 22-year-old right-hander.
Though Arsenal were interested - "there was silly money being talked about, even then" - Gough decided to concentrate on cricket. Young Owen accepted an offer from Liverpool, nearer home, and hasn't done badly for himself.
The engaging Mr Gough flies out next week for three months Grade cricket in Australia, hoping in the summer to press his claim for full England recognition.
Having earlier rejected an offer from Chris Turner to play for Hartlepool United, his home town club, he has also declined the opportunity to sign for Seaham Red Star in the Albany Northern League second division.
"I've just signed a new contract at Durham and thought it mightn't be wise," he says. "They were very keen at Arsenal, but I'm sure I made the right decision."
Undaunted by the loss of Goughy in the afternoon - the Century Radio disc jockey is the cricketer's uncle - Seaham Red Star secretary John Smith assumed his customary Children in Need costume on Friday.
John has taken to the streets and pubs of Seaham for nearly 20 years, rattling a bucket and dressed head to toe in a Charlie Bear outfit.
"Initially it was because I was a bit embarrassed; I didn't want people to know who I was," he says.
Thus disguised, he felt a tap on the shoulder at 9.30am. It was John Tweddle, secretary of Albany Northern League colleagues Eppleton.
"Excuse me Charlie," said Tweddle, "but would you just mind signing these six transfer forms...."
LAST encountered after scoring his first century for three years on a sun-kissed evening in Colchester, Michael Gough was on the next chair at Sedgefield Cricket Club's dinner - organised by former Hartlepool and New York Cosmos defender Malcolm Dawes - on Friday night.
There, too, were former Oldham Athletic inside forward Ken Chaytor, 65 yesterday, and the column's old friend Margaret Horn MBE, former president of Sedgefield Conservative Association and coach when pushing 70 to Darlington Rugby Club's fourth team.
"It's like the rebel cricketers going to South Africa," a forlorn fourth teamer had protested when, in 1989, she was promoted to the thirds.
Though probably 80 - she resolutely never lets on - Margaret's now too busy with voluntary work at what remains of Winterton Hospital ("on call 24 hours a day") to be rucking in with the rugby boys.
Malcolm Dawes, Ken Chaytor and others will be back on parade on November 27 for the launch of Steve Chaytor's book on footballers from the Borough of Sedgefield - Shildon, Spennymoor, Newton Aycliffe and Ferryhill areas - who've played post-war in the Football League.
It's called One Dead Ref and a Box of Kippers. Much more of that in Backtrack on November 29.
Back to Seaham, the east Durham town immortalised by the theme song from The Addams Family. New Sunderland management duo Howard Wilkinson and Steve Cotterill are being billeted at the lavish Seaham Hall Hotel - suites up to £600 a night and Sunday lunch (last time the Eating Owt column could afford it) £27 50.
Sunderland fanzine The Wearside Roar, swift warming to the pair, reports that they were impressed after a dander round the neighbourhood.
"The number of houses which had a Sunderland badge or flag in the window, was amazing," said Wilkinson.
"It seemed almost obligatory and by Leeds or Sheffield standards it was just incredible."
TWR is pleased he's seeing through them - "we're nowt if not passionate, Howard."
The Wearside Roar also carries a "Where are they now" on Dickie Rooks, the 60s centre half forever in Charlie Hurley's imposing shadow.
Finally frustrated, he signed for Middlesbrough on a Friday afternoon, played the following afternoon in Boro's 6-0 defeat at Huddersfield and learned that evening that Hurley had suffered a knee injury from which he was never properly to recover.
Dickie's now 62, diabetic, runs a building firm in East Herrington and looks forward to finishing, and to fishing.
"Even today," he says, "I sometimes wonder 'If only'."
Reference the other day to former Sunderland goalkeeper Cameron Duncan - three games in three years in the 1980s - prompts a sighting by Paul Dobson from Bishop Auckland. It was May 2001, Everton away, a weekend of it in Blackpool. "Cammy turned up at our hotel on the Saturday evening," reports Paul. "Rather like the rest of us, he was as full as a newt."
Willington FC, whose former managers include Dickie Rooks, are facing hard times just now. Able to muster only the bare 11 last Tuesday, they lost concussed goalkeeper Mark Adamson after 20 minutes and were obliged to stick loyal striker Brett Cummins between the posts.
Cummins saved two penalties. "Both were full-length dives, the second a particularly good effort," reports club chairman John Phelan. Horden beat them 5-0, nonetheless.
On Saturday, Brett was back in the front line, Mark Adamson - head together again - in goal. They lost 4-1.
Sunderland's latest "Celebrity supporter" in the fanzine Wear Down South is actress Melanie Hill - famous for Bread and Brassed Off and things.
She was also married to Sean Bean, which explains why her loyalties are divided - as if by a stainless steel razor - between them and Sheffield United.
"I had to go. I had no choice. What he said went," she tells Colin Randall. "I do have a soft spot for them, anyway."
A PS to Friday's piece on former Premiership referee Alan Wilkie's autobiography. In charge of the televised Sheffield Wednesday v Leeds United match in 1994-95, Wilkie sent off Wednesday's Gordon Watson after only three minutes.
Watson, he says, had hit Leeds midfielder Mark Tinkler "with what can only be described as a drop kick in the midriff."
Howard Wilkinson, then team boss at Leeds, applauded the decision but thought that the ref had gone quickly downhill thereafter; Watson went to the guillotine - the showers, at any rate - vehemently protesting his innocence.
Wednesday manager David Pleat waited at half-time by the tunnel. Wilkie feared the worst. Pleat, however, has seen the video - "he nearly decapitated him" - and praised the decision.
It is to be hoped that Messrs Watson and Tinkler have since resolved their differences. They are now team mates at Hartlepool United.
...and finally
The six countries to whom England lost at Wembley in the 1990s (Backtrack, November 15) were Germany, France, Brazil, Italy, Uruguay and Chile.
Since today's column has something of a Seaham theme, readers may today care to identify the former Red Star goalkeeper who has played in this season's Champions League.
Safe hands, the column returns on Friday.
Published: 19/11/2002
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