AS a troubled England embarked on the 1986-87 Ashes series, a critic decided the little urn had been lost before a ball had been bowled.
"There are only three things wrong with this England team," he said.
"They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field."
How horribly apposite such a comment seems now, as Nasser Hussain and the remainder of his walking wounded limp their way around Australia in the most ill-fated venture to leave these shores and head Down Under since Captain Cook discovered the country.
Sixteen years ago, Mike Gatting went on to prove such negative views were wrong as he captained England to a 2-1 win over the old enemy; their last series victory in cricket's oldest contest.
Eight chastening defeats later, England seem no nearer to recapturing the Ashes than at any other time since they were relinquished in 1989.
Yet this England team can bat, they can bowl and they can field.
They don't have a Shane Warne or a Glenn McGrath, but Hussain and Co proved their spirit and ability by winning in Pakistan and Sri Lanka.
But it is not England's talent that is in question as they look ahead to the forthcoming one-day series with a mixture of fear and dread.
It is their mental toughness; their failure to shake off the psychological stranglehold that Australia have over them.
England succeeded on the sub-continent because they did the basics right.
But in this series, they have been guilty of errors that would have shamed a schoolboy.
The bowlers might not possesses the metronomic accuracy of McGrath, but Andy Caddick and Matthew Hoggard have resembled medium-paced trundlers against the Australian All-Stars.
And the batsmen who have defied the likes of Saqlain Mushtaq and Harbhajan Singh by remaining patient have been hustled and harried into simple mistakes by bowlers who can rarely have taken cheaper Test wickets.
Twice, England have forced themselves into good positions in the series - after two days in Brisbane and one day in Adelaide.
Yet faced by a team that never takes a backward step and is remorseless as it applies pressure to opponents, England have crumbled.
So, what is the solution? Sadly, there may not be one; not one that will revive the country's Ashes fortunes in the near future, anyway.
County cricket is too soft, but that argument is almost as old as the fragile Ashes urn that remains in the Lord's museum.
And the change to four-day Championship matches and two divisions has brought minimal tangible reward.
The Academy, under the tutelage of Rod Marsh, is a positive move, but even that will produce players whose only memory of Ashes battles is of Australian dominance.
And for as long as English cricket retains its vulnerable underbelly that has been ruthlessly exposed for more than a decade, so the country will continue to lag behind Australia.
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