Pros and cons of jailhouse rock: Tomorrow La Scala! (BBC2) - Scalpel Safari (five)

THERE were, the director said, pros and cons to a small-scale opera company staging Stephen Sondheim's musical Sweeney Todd inside a maximum security prison. "We're the pros and they're the cons," she joked.

What seemed, on the surface, a lightweight lark charting the clash between luvvies and lifers, soon turned into something darker in Tomorrow La Scala! as the shock of life behind bars affected both prisoners and performers. "Be friendly, but don't become their friend," was the warning given to the outsiders.

Written and directed by Francesca Joseph, the film showed rehearsals and interplay between the two factions punctuated by brief, but brutal, episodes of verbal and physical abuse among inmates of somewhere that looked "like psycho city" to the actors. What Jessica Stevenson's director imagined would be a good way to publicise her struggling company developed into a tussle for supremacy with Shaun Dingwall as the warder (and aspiring performer) in charge.

The four main characters in Scapel Safari were imprisoned in bodies they didn't like and wanted altered by surgery. So grandmother Muriel (facelift), lap dancing club manager Lisa (bigger boobs), Kelly (smaller bum) and Stephen (new nose) signed up for a nip and a tuck plus suntan in South Africa. Not only does the operation cost less than over here but you get to see wild animals too.

The painful effects of the operations, both physical and emotional, made much of their two-week stay in a luxurious Johannesbourg hotel as pleasant as a bad dose of Delhi belly.

Kelly, at least, suffered in silence when sitting in the back of a jeep on a bumpy safari, refusing to let a painful bum spoil her holiday.

The main problem was Stephen, who wanted his nose changed as he was fed up with people saying he looked like a boxer. He was so depressed after the op that he locked himself in his room for three days with the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. At one point, he threatened to go home early, pulling a coat over his head to prevent the camera crew filming him. They had their revenge at the end when the narrator informed us that "since returning to Britain, people no longer say Stephen looks like a boxer. They say he looks like a gangster."

The bird and the bears

Goldilocks And The Three Bears, Billingham Forum Theatre

MORE than 15 years after the height of his fame, ventriloquist Keith Harris can reduce an audience to fits of giggles with a nappy-wearing bright green duck and an orange monkey who shouts "dung" at inappropriate moments. Mainstream TV may have turned its back on an old-style entertainer, but Harris knows how to work his wide-eyed panto fans, including the amusing old ad-lib "Oh look, a little girl taking her mummy to the toilet" as tiny bladder problems create an almost conga-like procession to the loos.

The Orville effect holds the youngsters spellbound, but cheeky Cuddles - who was said to have gone off to Hartlepool to challenge for mayoral duties - appears after two hours to polish off a thoroughly professional panto.

Somehow, Harris also manages to have a hand in writing, directing and costume design. He's aided by Dame Tilly Trot (the Arthur Askey-style Ronnie Coyle) who owns a circus which can only be saved from Sir Bail's (Andrew Dickens) demands for money if a new star act can be found. Cue the arrival of the Three Bears (Pat and Guy Holloway and Tania Jane Higgins) with Baby Bear transformed into a disco music-loving Mr Cool.

The Acroloons (Aidan Brindle, Gareth Packer and Timothy Coles) add the essential gymnastics of circus, minor roles are filled by the Justine Kavanagh Dancers and Forum Theatre Performing Arts youngsters while Gary Birtles and Lorrie Brown (Jack and Goldilocks) struggle gamely with heroic songs and actions. The current buzzphrase in panto is "you've spent your money, so enjoy yourself". On this evidence, Billingham is the land of gold and honey.

Viv Hardwick

* Runs until January 5. Box Office: (01642) 552663

Blondie and Inxs, Telewest Arena, Newcastle

IT'S one of INXS's first gigs since Michael Huchence's death and the band have luckily managed to get a new front man to capture his spirit.

It was a fantastic set, which was full of energy from all band members, and the crowd really got going during Need You Tonight. A top-notch start to a fantastic night.

Blondie came on with one of their new tracks, Diamond Bridge, which sounded fine, but it was the second track of the night, Dreaming, which brought most of the crowd to their feet.

Clem Burke can still hit, as fast and rhythmically as ever. His force drove the band through their other go-faster, buzz music tunes such as Hanging on The Telephone and Call Me.

Deborah Harry's voice was in fine tune as they belted out all of their number ones. She had no problem hitting the high notes even on the first part of Rapture, a track which is difficult to imagine anyone else trying to cover. Despite the slating she's had from some areas of the media, her voice was as seductive as ever and she seemed quite flattered as one of her adoring fans threw his boxer shorts on the stage.

Even the relatively new Maria went down as an anthem and I was pleased to see the band slip a couple of album tracks from their Seventies peak, such as Shayla and One Way or Another.

The band are still going strong with their next album, yet to be titled, expected in February. Going by their reception it should be well received.

Mark Prat