Headgear caused a laugh at Our Lady of Lourdes Church, Saltburn, when retired headteacher Rita Proudler was presented with a papal award by Bishop John Crowley.

He told the packed church that before the special mass, Mrs Proudler had asked if he was to wear his tall mitre when giving the blessing at the end of the service.

On hearing an affirmative answer, she said she was pleased she would not be the only one present wearing a smart hat.

Mrs Proudler, who was remembered at St Paulinus Primary School, Guisbourgh, for her impeccable dress sense, wore a large wedding-style hat with a short veil.

Displacement

ONCE, Darlington was in County Durham. Always had been, always would be.

Not so, it seems. Spectator has already noted that our leaders have decreed, on new boundary signs, that Darlington is "in the Tees Valley".

Now, on driving towards Staindrop, he finds that, when leaving the borough, one enters "County Durham - Land of the Prince Bishops".

Harry Mead eloquently made the case for a reversion to historic counties in the D&S Times a few weeks ago.

In future, Spectator intends to address all relevant correspondence to "Darlington, County Durham" - just to annoy them.

Pitiful location

Also taking liberties with geography is the PR company marketing a new homes development in Pity Me, County Durham. It sent Spectator an attractive aerial view of the Durham City peninsula with the development site pinpointed in the very top left-hand corner of the picture.

The caption beneath referred to the exciting new homes development "in the heart of Durham." Pity Me may be a number of things but the former pit village certainly cannot be described as in the heart of the city.

Inconvenient

WAS IT an odd repercussion of the last local derby - Darlington v Hartlepool - to be played at the Feethams ground on Saturday that not only the lavatory paper but the whole fitting was missing from each cubicle in the gents' in the town's market place?

Our mole in the market, suffering from a streaming cold and a rapidly diminishing store of paper hankies, was rather glad that was his only problem. No football fan either, he was unimpressed when an acquaintance offered the match as a possible explanation.