I AM so glad experts have criticised Thomas the Tank Engine stories as being potentially damaging for young children - the unrealistic frequency of crashes, apparently, could leave them terrified of travelling by train.

This gives me the perfect excuse to refuse to read these tedious tales at bedtime now.

Dull stories full of turgid details about tram, narrow gauge, diesel and traction engines or about how the turntable or brake van works send me off to sleep long before my four-year-old.

At the risk of sounding flippant, the crashes are the only vaguely interesting bits. Anyway, Thomas stories are hardly meant to reflect the true state of our UK railway system, the trains move for a start.

Let Thomas, Henry, Gordon and the Fat Controller live in their fantasy world, even if they do suffer a few too many bumps. Time enough to introduce children to the real world of delays, exorbitant prices and overcrowded carriages when they are older.

MEN in Yorkshire and the North do more housework than anywhere else in the country, carrying out up to six times as much cleaning as those in the South, says a survey.

Their favourite chores, according to 500 men questioned, include cleaning windows, vacuuming and washing-up. Following a survey of my own among a group of females in North Yorkshire, we have come to the conclusion that men down South rarely lift a finger; all the men questioned in the survey live alone and rarely go out in public; or Northern men are the biggest liars.

WE were quoted three prices recently to fly two adults, an 11-year-old and a baby to Florence. British Airways, business class, cost more than £2,000 and economy £800. But Ryanair charged less than £250 return. You can guess which one we chose.

A Consumers' Association survey reveals this week - surprise, surprise - that air passengers are prepared to put up with poor service as long as the ticket price is low. We may have had cramped seats and had to pay £2 for a sandwich but, considering it was a short flight, there was simply no contest. And, as I kept reminding my husband, thanks to Ryanair helping us make savings, we had so much more money to spend in Florence.

THE bluebell is under threat from poachers digging up bulbs to supply the gardening trade. But this charming little flower only looks its magnificent best when a multitude sweep through a woodland to make a stunning carpet of blue. A few carefully placed in a suburban flowerbed look quite pathetic by comparison.

ARE those people at Comic Relief having a laugh? Some bright spark had the clever idea of a "Big Hair" theme for tomorrow's fundraising day. But no one thought to warn shops that sell coloured gels and hairsprays to get extra supplies in.

Children and parents are, literally, tearing their hair out trying to get hold of the products in time for tomorrow, when many schools are holding Big Hair competitions. Many of us are resorting to dyeing our children's hair with food colouring, although there is a danger this won't wash out easily.

Next time, perhaps Comic Relief should sell its own charity stunt products. Apart from saving parents a lot of hassle, it would make a lot more money for charity.