IF we'd thought about it earlier, we would have asked Antony Gormley to help with this week's page.

The award-winning sculptor of the Angel of the North is currently working on another project, Domain Field. This involves making plaster casts of hundreds of volunteers who turned up at the Baltic in Gateshead.

Before the plaster could be applied, the volunteers - all shapes and ages and sizes - were first coated in Vaseline, and then in cling film. They must have gone through hundreds of rolls of it.

Cling film: Wendy and Lona in the pub had asked us to test cling film. Wendy prepares meals every day for her dad and is fed up with cling film that wraps itself round itself instead of round the lovingly prepared meals.

And that's the trouble with the stuff - it clings alright, but not necessarily in the right place. In the 25 years that it has become a regular part of our kitchens, it still hasn't learnt to behave itself properly.

In fact, there is probably something to be said for the theory that cling film is an independent life force with a mind of its own.

So we've been testing it - the good, the bad and the absolutely impossible.

And in the end, our kitchen looked just like Antony Gormley's work in progress - a lot of people wrapped up in cling film. The problem was, we weren't meant to be quite so wrapped up in our work.

SAFETY

A few years ago there was a scare about cling film - about whether it was safe to use or if it transmitted dangerous something or other into your food. The answer is that it is perfectly safe, but that it's not advisable to use it where it could melt into food - which would taste pretty disgusting anyway - or on some very high fat foods. Most manufacturers tell you what it's suitable for. Some are so limited that you could wonder whether it's worth it at all.

THE SECRET

The secret of cling film is, we soon realised, not so much the quality of the film itself, but the cardboard dispenser it comes in. This has to be fairly robust with a really sharp cutting edge to bite through the film. If this is ineffective then you are lost. While you are trying to cut one end free of the roll, the other end is quietly wrapping round itself or you.

ABSOLUTELY HOPELESS

MARKS & SPENCER PERFORATED CLING FILM

50 metres extra wide non PVC £1.49

Not for use in conventional oven, microwave or freezer.

These ready perforated sheets would be absolutely fine (a) if you always wanted a piece just that size and (b) if you had three hands to hold the box, hold the sheet and tear it all at once. Failing that, we had all pieces wrapped up in each other and, as we could in any case use it only to put stuff in the fridge, we just did what Granny did - put another plate on top.

WILKINSONS

30 metres 55p

Not for use in microwave browning units or with fatty foods.

A pathetically feeble cutting edge - we ended up wrapping the box.

PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ALL-PURPOSE CLINGFILMS, FOR USE IN FRIDGE, FREEZER, MICROWAVES AND ON ALL FOODS

All these cut fairly well, and were more or less controllable when we tried to use them.

CO-OP

30m x 350mm wide £1.29

ICELAND

20m x 350mm wide 99p

SAFEWAY

20m x 350mm wide £1.09

SAINSBURY'S ALL PURPOSE

10m x 350mm wide 69p

SUPERDRUG

30m x 300mm wide 99p

BEST ALL-ROUND PERFORMERS

All-purpose cling film that just had that cutting edge. These left us in a state of shock because they just unrolled easily, cut effortlessly and wrapped perfectly. So THAT's how it's meant to work...

ALDI

75m x 300mm wide 99p

BACO

20m x 350mmwide 99p

LAKELAND

100m x 300mm wide £2.95

BEST BUY

Has to be Aldi - one of the longest rolls at one of the lowest prices. It is also the only one that has a clear plastic cutting edge, which is stronger and longer lasting than the cardboard versions.

TIP

We have been told that cling film is more effective if kept in the fridge before use. But I don't suppose Antony Gormley's naked models would appreciate that.