Soapland is a place where the unexpected happens, but few things could be more unlikely than Tricia Dingle being transformed into a Bollywood movie star.

The Woolpack's dim barmaid, who's always seemed a few bottles short of a crate, signs up as an extra when Indian film-makers arrive in Emmerdale (ITV1). Before you can say chicken tikka masala, Tricia has been talent spotted and whisked back to India to star in a Bollywood movie.

This isn't as unusual as you may think. Our very own former Page Three model Samantha Fox was similarly chosen to front, if you'll pardon the expression, a Bollywood film some years ago.

Louise scores at the charity football match, both on and off the pitch. Having recovered remarkably quickly from killing her stalker boyfriend Ray at Christmas, she sets her sights on married newcomer to the village, Ronnie Marsden.

Managing the Woolpack football team puts her in his good books, although you do worry about her selection of players. Betty as centre forward, Seth in defence and Alan Turner in goal, perhaps.

Terry, who returned from Spain with a nice tan and a new wife, is worried about his stamina, not on the pitch but at home. He wonders if he can keep up - know what we mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink - with much younger wife Dawn.

The fur flies in Coronation Street (ITV) when Gail the hamster, newly returned from holiday, discovers that daughter Sarah has been neglecting her school revision in favour of learning about the facts of life with young Todd. Eileen's other son Jason is in trouble once his mother discovers he's been seeing his father. Trouble at the Rovers too. No one's going off to Bollywood, but Shelley has her work cut out with interfering mother Bev and tarty barmaid Maria at loggerheads. Maria bets Bev that she can't pull the next man who walks through the door. As the lucky punter is Roy of the Rovers, she'll have her work cut out, although she can be sure he'll give her a nice cup of tea and a detailed account of Weatherfield's history if she pops into his cafZ.

Janine is up to her old tricks - deception not prostitution - in EastEnders (BBC1) as she digs her claws deeper into bereaved Barry, the most useless lump in Soapland. Not only is she taking his dirty underwear to the launderette, but giving his place a makeover. She's playing Linda Barker to his Laurence Llewelyn Bowen. Her luck could run out when boring Barry confronts estranged wife Natalie about her failure to pay him a visit. Little does he know that scheming Janine told her not to bother.

Round at the Truemans, Paul the human chimney decides to give up smoking for the sake of baby Ellie's health. Not before time, as she starts chewing on a fag end he's dropped in her cot. But who's this we see coming round the corner in Albert Square? It's the social affairs people and the news isn't good for father Paul.

Published: 17/04/2003