THE price of a good woman is above rubies. Ah yes, but how much above? And how many rubies? Businessman Brian Maccaba has offered a young husband a million dollars to leave his wife, so that she can than go and live with Mr Maccaba. Or, as he says, she will be "set free" to be his "true soulmate."

Gosh, it's just like Indecent Proposal but without Robert Redford and Demi Moore.

The businessman told the husband that he would have a " bachelor's freedom again" and could even go and live as a playboy in the south of France.

But on a million dollars, not for very long.

(And why dollars not pounds? This is Britain after all. Is Mr Maccaba counting the pennies here?)

The young couple have been so upset by it all that not only did they turn the money down flat, but they've fled to Israel with their children. They are clearly devoted to each other and their love is non-negotiable.

It is a curiously old fashioned story, partly because Mr Maccaba offered the money to the husband - as if he owned his wife and he could make decisions over her life and future, including her sex life with strangers.

If his eye ever lights on another young wife that he'd like to make his own, then maybe Mr Maccaba might have more luck if he offered the million dollars direct to her rather than her husband.

I mean, if we're going to be considered as objects to be bought and sold, at least let us have our own share of the profits.

Meanwhile, in Israel there is a husband who knows exactly how much his wife is worth and who clearly considers her beyond price.

In a world where money can buy so many things it should restore our faith in old-fashioned love, marriage and fidelity.

Men... the driving force

WHEN questioned by Tesco, 72 per cent of men rated themselves as "excellent" in steering supermarket trolleys - as compared to just 60 per cent of women.

Rated themselves, you notice. This was no objective test, just men's opinion of themselves. Really reliable.

It takes more frequent shoppers, ie women, to know supermarket trolleys have a mind of their own anyway. But when steered by men, trolleys have their own version of satellite navigation. For young men, trolleys take them straight to the lager and expensive ready meals. And old men just head straight for the checkout without buying anything at all.

Size is everything

WE apparently eat more snacks, crisps than any other nation in the world. As I chomped my way - quite happily, I admit - through a bag of salt and vinegar in the pub the other night, I realised one of the reasons.

Have you noticed it's almost impossible to get really small packet of crisps any more? Like everything else, crisp packets are much bigger than they used to be. And so, as a result, are we. Oh alright, I know I could have left some of the crisps in the packet. But we don't, do we?

Kids in court

SO childminders are going to be banned from smacking children. Fine. Even though I reserved the right to smack my own children occasionally, I would have objected very strongly to anyone else doing it.

But how are they going to know? And how are they going to get it to court?

Generally these days child minders look after three-year-olds and under. Are we really going to convict someone on the say so of a three-year-old?

PS: DID you see William Hague on Have I Got News for You? at the weekend - good, wasn't he? Even on such a heavily scripted programme, he came over as sharp and funny and likeable, much more like the real person than his strange public image.

Pity he didn't do more quiz shows and fewer party political broadcasts before the election - could have changed the face of British politics.

Published: 07/05/2003