DO YOU like butter? Are you scared to eat it now because of the health scares? Let me declare an interest...
Some of my earliest memories are of small farms and stone flagged dairies. Pails and jugs of milk, butter churns - large and small - and that overwhelming damp cheesey smell that goes with dairies.
And, always on the slate shelves there would be, covered in muslin, large earthenware crocks full of golden butter. The butter was delicious and accompanied every meal in huge and generous quantities. Which could, perhaps, explain the high level of heart disease among Welsh dairy farmers.
It's hard to think that anything as natural and as tasty as butter could be a health risk, but, sadly, it is rich in saturated fats, which raises cholesterol which is a risk factor in heart disease.
But now we have a whole panoply of low fat spreads, full of the right sort of fats and low in cholesterol. They are lower in fat, lower in calories and - despite the long list of ingredients - are probably better for you.
There are spreads which claim to be indistinguishable from butter. For some reason they always seem to have daft names. And there are spreads which claim to be positively good for you in lowering cholesterol.
Unfortunately, some of them taste disgusting. They taste of oil, as in machine oil. Or that lingering slimy sensation reminded us of accidentally licking the sun tan lotion.
And some of them don't even have visual appeal. That bright yellow sometimes has a definitely greenish tinge.
They are not all that versatile either. Some can be used for everything that butter can, but others are more limited.
And would my gran ever have allowed any of them on her Welshcakes?
ALMOST TASTY
BUTTERY FLORA
87p for 500g
Made mainly from: sunflower oil
Use for: everything
Taste: good, with only the faintest hint of slime. Some of our testers actually preferred this to butter.
Bonus: "Helping to keep your heart healthy," it says - high in good fats, low in bad fats.
Makes excellent pastry.
CLOVER
£1.35 for 500g
Made mainly from: buttermilk and vegetable oils
Use for: everything
Taste: buttery
Bonus: good for baking and for pastry
OLIVIO
99p for 500g
Made mainly from: olive oil and rapeseed oil.
Tastes: not of olives really, but quite pleasant
Use for: everything
Bonus: not pretending to be butter.
YOU DEFINITELY KNOW IT'S NOT BUTTER, BUT IT'S NOT BAD
GOLDEN CHURN
99p for 500g
Made mainly from: vegetable oil and buttermilk
Tastes: very faintly of butter
Use for: everything
BENECOL
£3.99 for 500g
Made mainly from: water, sunflower oil, plant stanol ester.
Taste: odd, not very nice
Use for: spreading only.
Bonus: proven to reduce cholesterol as part of a healthy diet. Much more expensive than other spreads, so little point buying this if you are going to cut down on fruit and veg to pay for it.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER
99p for 500g
Made mainly from: vegetable oils
Tastes: like quite nice margarine.
Use for: everything
SAFEWAY DON'T FLUTTER WITH BUTTER
59p for 250g
Made mainly from: vegetable oil and buttermilk
Tastes: like margarine
Use for: everything
TESCO BUTTER ME UP
73p for 500g
Made mainly from: vegetable oil and buttermilk
Tastes: like margarine
Use for: everything
WILLOW
59p for 250g
Made from: buttermilk and vegetable oils
Tastes: like a buttery margarine
Use for: everything
NO THANK YOU
ANCHOR HALF FAT
89p for 500g
Made mainly from: water, vegetable oil and eight per cent free range butter - whatever that might mean.
Tastes: not nice
Use for: spreading only
ST IVEL GOLD
86p for 500g
Made mainly from: water, vegetable oil, semi-skimmed milk
Tastes: like margarine
Use for: spreading and baking, not frying
STORK
42p for 500g
Made mainly from: vegetable oils and water
Tastes: like margarine. It's a long time since they've tried to tell us that you can't tell Stork from butter - because you can, very easily.
Use for: everything but they're pushing it for baking - "At the heart of home baking".
UTTERLY BUTTERLY
£1.15 for 500g
Made mainly from: vegetable oil and water
Tastes: peculiarly horrid - but maybe this was because it was the Scandinavian style. Very slimy.
Use for: everything
VERDICT
We would happily use most of these for baking - Flora Buttery was particularly good in pastry - but as for spreading on our bread... well, that's a different matter. Yes, we know they're healthier than butter, but...
Some of our testers were quite happy with some of our better spreads. They liked the easy way they spread, and quite liked the flavour, finding our best buys quite acceptable and, in some cases, preferred them to butter.
But not me. I'd rather put nothing on my bread - and frequently don't - than spread these slimy substitutes. And in any case - my gran would come and haunt me.
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