"SO what did Connie Francis sound like?" asked my wife as an over-confident 12-year-old from Liverpool called Laura Jenkins easily won Stars In Their Eyes Kids Final (Saturday, ITV1).

I wasn't sure whether I was expected to break into song at this point or whip out a version of the 1961 film title track hit from our less-than-impressive record collection.

Even though there was more Knotty Ash than New Jersey in little Laura's US accent my family - plus a 150,000 army of mums and grandmas - picked her out as an obvious winner. "That Irish girl has the kind of look on her face that you could slap," was a surprising observation from my daughter who normally tells her parents off for being too critical of these soundalike occasions.

Sadly, Ireland's Rebecca Gleeson (as Dido) crumbled under "big match" nerves, as did quite a few of the other performers.

South Tyneside's Charlotte Reid reproduced her oddball version of Bjork with distinction which is more than can be said of Jaclyn Bell as Kate Bush, who delivered the 1970s singer with the comedy air of a Dawn French impersonation.

With host Cat Deeley pronouncing her lines like a Bacardi Breezer test pilot, this has been an interesting time for Stars In Their Eyes. Will returning Matthew Kelly be deemed suitable for next year's event? And if he's still passe could we outlaw some of the children's stage smile parents as well?

With Laura's father celebrating her appearance in the final with a dog and a limo I get the distinct impression that her next song could be Who's Sorry Now?

Connie Francis 1950s nostalgia must have been catching because my wife actually agreed to watch the latest revival of Dragnet (ITV1 Weds, ITV2 Sundays).

There was a price. My TV-deprived upbringing received another airing. "Fancy your mother telling you that your TV set didn't receive ITV because she didn't approve of the commercials," I was reminded by the person who grew up with Hawaii 5-0 and 77 Sunset Strip.

She even sings the signature tune of the latter to remind me of the forbidden fruit of early ITV. As it is, neither of us remembers much about Sgt Joe Friday from 1955 (played then by Jack Webb) apart from the da-da-dar-DAH theme music and clipped tone voice-over which was nicely parodied by Dan Ackroyd's 1987 film.

Watching Mr Miserable from Married With Children, Ed O'Neill, as Detective Joe Friday leaves the viewers in TV copland limbo. Seeing the Los Angeles police talk and act in 1950s fashion while using today's mobile phones and procedures just needed an appearance by Connie Francis to make it believable.

Sunday's repeat showing at 9pm clashed with a host of other allegedly interesting choices. "You realise I've given up The Forsyte Saga for this," said the Sunset Strip singer. Fortunately, we returned in time to see poor Dartie (Ben Miles) meet the great debt-collector in the sky in a car crash. Damian Lewis as Soames is about to become the wife-hater from hell again as daughter Fleur has a fling with Irene's son. What do you mean you've seen it before!

Published: 07/06/2003