Casualty (BBC1); Rockface (BBC1)

MY first thought, when they found a dead body in the gents toilet, was that it would help the stressed-out staff in Holby Accident and Emergency Department. One less patient in Casualty was a good thing. Doctors and nurses had enough to do dealing with the crisis in their personal lives without administering to the sick and dying.

Alas, the corpse proved inconvenient for all concerned as the police insisted on interviewing the prime suspect, despite the fact that he was lying on a hospital bed with a heart condition. Nothing Charlie could do could stop the officious DI Parrish from quizzing sick Keith. He virtually accused him of being the murderer, when even the most plodding of PC Plods could have told him that the heroin addict was the guilty party.

Simon MacCorkindale's consultant Harry Harper couldn't be doing with all this police business. "I have patients to treat - live ones," he declared.

Dean came in with a broken jaw and ended up with a cut throat, a sad indictment of the National Health Service. Then again, on reflection, I'm surprised any of the staff noticed the corpse lying in a pool of blood in the gents, considering the drama that was being played out as Colette was discharged ("physically fine but tired", in case you're wondering how she was).

Paramedic husband Josh didn't want to know her. A friend consoled her: "Josh doesn't hate you. He's a man, it's a pride thing."

Josh was miffed, understandably you might think, that Colette had let him think the baby she was carrying was his. Very careless, if you ask me. As the end titles rolled, he was feeling better after confronting the real father. "You've ruined my life and the first chance I get I'm going to ruin yours," said the paramedic.

Then there was the man who thought he was dying of lung cancer, had refused treatment and intended to go out with a bang. He'd blown out his job, spent all his money, run up colossal debts, lost his house, and was heading for a criminal record. He'd even stolen his girlfriend's credit cards to persuade her to leave him and be spared the pain of seeing him dying.

Imagine the look on his face when doctors told him he didn't have cancer, but TB - and it was curable. I'm surprised he didn't have a heart attack on the spot.

The only bright spot was provided by Lara and Luke, whose mutual loathing throughout the episode could only lead to one thing - a kiss. We last saw them heading home to give each other a thorough examination.

Rockface, too, is supposed to be about saving lives as the Scottish mountain rescue team swings into action. Duncan was found wandering and bleeding. A massive search was mounted to find his missing companion and best friend. But his treatment as a patient amounted to verbal assault and battery, just like poor old Keith in Casualty.

Peter didn't believe Duncan's story, and he kept on and on and on until he told the truth (which we'd all guessed anyway).

After the first series failed to draw much in the way of audiences, the BBC has sneaked the new episodes of Rockface into the Sunday teatime slot, presumably in the hope that no one will notice and that the series can die a quiet death - something that never happens in Casualty.

Published: 09/06/2003