As their best known royal correspondent goes in to self-imposed exile, Viv Hardwick talks to the BBC's Jennie Bond about the Royals past, present and future... and how she'd love to host a game show.
THERE is a Bond who is about to step down after 14 years on Her Majesty's service. That's Jennie Bond, the BBC's royal correspondent.
The 54-year-old admits she didn't want the job in the first place and has so far failed in her mission of making the Queen laugh.
But does she consider herself a royalist?
"Oh, I can't possibly tell you that. You're a journalist and I'm a journalist and you wouldn't ask Andrew Marr (the BBC's political correspondent) if he was a Labour or Tory supporter, would you? You might say you know already," she laughs.
"Trying to give an accurate report is sometimes quite difficult because I can't ring up the Queen and say 'come and have lunch and talk about this' or 'Charlie, come and have a cup of tea'. I always have to work through a third party: press office, private secretaries and contacts, and that makes the truth more and more diluted. I report on them and that job pays my mortgage."
Bond wasn't a willing recruit for Buckingham Palace duties and admits:
"I didn't understand what it meant at first. I thought court reporting was going to the Old Bailey and then I thought 'God, I don't want to do that, they're so stupid' and I just don't do descriptions of clothes.
"I said I will do it for 50 per cent of my time for a year and I want that in writing and here I am 14 years later. I'm still here because the Royal family very often became the lead story and a big story and things like whether we have a monarchy or not do matter."
A move into freelance work for Bond in August isn't going to be easy, even if the idea is to spend more time with her 13-year-old daughter and husband at the family's newish home in Devon. There's a theatre tour called Reporting Royalty, which takes in Durham's Gala Theatre on Friday, TV documentaries and a US tour, plus the ambitions of writing a book about Camilla Parker Bowles and hosting a TV game show.
"I'm a real game show tart," she says. "I've done Have I Got News For You (twice), Call My Bluff, Celebrity Ready Steady Cook, Through The Keyhole, Blankety Blank and nearly won Test The Nation. I love them, love them. Put it about that I want my own quiz show.
"I like making people laugh so I'm really a frustrated comedienne. People might think 'oh God, she's going to talk about the future of the monarchy' but nothing could be further from the truth and I just tell loads of jokes. I talked to 500 women at Weston-super-Mare recently and I loved the way they were just wetting themselves. I imitate the Queen and Prince Charles and the disasters that happen when I'm reporting."
Incidents include belching and farting elephant seals in the Falklands when Prince Charles visited or the complete failure by Bond to make the Queen laugh in Korea.
She does bristle, though, over the suggestion that royalty seems to have rubbed off on her: "That's the kind of crap line that's been fed around the media about me. There's nothing royal or pretentious about me at all. It's a load of rubbish.
"There's tremendous stress in being a TV reporter. People have seen me outside the gates for the Coronation anniversary and think I've had a lovely day. It was hell. For the one o'clock news I was having a report edited in the studios and then I had to race through the streets and nearly took off my shoes to run.
"I saw people saying 'there's Jennie Bond' as I went panting past. Two minutes to go, find my camera, the sound truck breaks down, 30 seconds to go and I'm trying to remember my words. Absolute stress and they say 'And Jennie Bond's there' and you hope you look relaxed as your heart is pounding and you're sweating and you hate it.
"The great British public think I have a chauffeur to drive me, while someone hands me a script and someone else powders my nose."
As she prepares for an exile from royal duties, Bond has time to reflect on the future of her subjects. Does the Queen ever contemplate standing aside?
"I don't think she does. She has said time and again this is a job for life. Unless she becomes senile and then she probably won't know she is anyway, she'll carry on. If she's finds it too physically demanding, I think she'll delegate more of her duties to Charles, but remain sovereign.
"It's going to rock the boat in a big way if she suddenly hands the crown to Charles because the whole Charles-Camilla debate has to be resolved."
What's her money on regarding the couple's future?
"No early marriage or even medium term marriage, but I wouldn't rule it out in the long-term. This will be driven by public opinion and that is terrifically confused. The majority of people say 'okay let them get married', so I say 'okay, so Queen Camilla?' and they say 'oh no, we don't want that'. What people don't realise is that she will be queen when he's king unless there's a morganatic marriage or legislation that stops it happening."
There's been a lot of press coverage that her third book is going to be about Camilla but Bond says she's not talking to any journalists "as far as I know".
Bond feels that press coverage of 21-year-old William is likely to stay low-key until he leaves university in two years time.
"I feel sorry for William because he's unhappy with his lot in life I think it's tough for him. I don't think the pressures will be the same on him as with Charles to find a virgin of correct birth. I think Charles of all people will understand that William needs to find his soulmate.
"We, the media, have a huge responsibility when it comes to William and I don't know what the outcome will be because he has a big problem with media. He's the big attraction and it can all go wrong if he or Charles suddenly say 'look, I'm walking, I don't need this, mate'."
* Jennie Bond is at Durham's Gala Theatre on Friday. Tickets: £12. Box Office: 0191-332 4045.
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